A Break

I want to thank each of your for your love and support.

I also want to let you all know that I am taking an all baby things break until next year. I probably won't be writing on my blog during that time.

I need a break before I break.

Since I have started my blog, I have watched many of you become mommies via many different ways and while I am so happy for each of you, my heart breaks even more with the loss of my four babies.

So my friends...I bid you farewell for now...

until we meet again.

Nichole

And again...

I don't have a good update from my ultrasound yesterday, unfortunately. The baby showed no growth. It was still measuring 5 weeks, 5 days and I am technically 7 weeks 5 days. The heartrate had dropped to only 68 bpm which is not good. They are taking me off all of my meds at this point and I go back on Friday to make sure I am miscarrying on my own.

I am so beyond hurt, angry, confused and devastated. I have no idea where we go from here. It appears that my dream to have my husbands child is forever gone.

We have a heartbeat!

We are back from the doctor. The appointment went pretty well. We were able to see a beautiful gestational sack and a tiny little baby (which looks nothing like a baby) Because of my whacky cycle, and late positive pregnancy test, we really aren't sure exactly how far along I am. According to today's measurements, I am about 5 weeks 5 days which is a week behind what I had calculated. The dr. did not seem concerned by this at all - probably just a late ovulation and a late implantation.

We were able to see the heartbeat - what a magnificent sight. The heartbeat was only 80 beats per minute, which is lower than what they wanted to see if I was measuring 6 wks 5 days but the dr. said it may just be early since I am only measuring 5 wks 5 days. They want me to go back in one week to check the heartbeat and the growth rate to be sure everything is ok.

So...next week's appointment will be the big one! Prayers for lots of growth and a strong heartbeat are greatly appreciated!!!

A new chance...

So...my last post was about my BFN and our new protocol. I went ahead and bought $500 worth of meds for our next cycle and was ready to go...just waiting on AF...and waiting...and waiting.

Finally on Monday I decided to take a pregnancy test (keep in mind this was 6 days after my initial BFN) it was positive. I called my RE and had the beta drawn: 341.

I had a repeat beta on Wednesday: 652.

And just because of our previous losses, I asked for a third beta today: 1154.

So, they are not exactly doubling every 48 hours, however they are increasing nicely and my doctors are very happy with where my numbers are, so as of right now, we are in pregnancy number 4. We have another chance and maybe some hope. I have added Love.nox and Pred.nisone to my daily medicine regimen in hopes that will help this little one "stick" around.

We are not overly excited, we are not planning the nursery, I haven't even calculated the due date...we are just taking it one day at a time and are thankful for this new chance.

Change of Protocol

Well...got our BFN this morning. I am beyond disappointed. I am exhausted and pissed. But...onwards we go. I spoke to RE and he is going to take out the Foll.istim this cycle and replace it with Men.opur.

This will be my first cycle on Men.opur and we will be doing IUI again as well. I sure hope I respond better than I did to the Foll.istim. All the pill taking and shots hardly seem worth it when I end up with only 1 follicle and a BFN to boot.

Right now just waiting for AF so we can get started again.

VACATION!!!!

Pace and I went on a vacation this past weekend to celebrate my 30th Birthday. We don't take trips by ourselves very often where we aren't meeting up with friends or visiting family, so this was a special treat for us! We drove to a Resort about 3 hours from home right on the Colorado River. We got checked into our room around 7:30 pm on Friday and headed down to the Resort's Cantina for dinner and drinks.

When I say we were right on the Colorado River...I mean RIGHT ON IT. From our balcony, the river was literally 50 feet away. The Resort has private boat docks for it's guests and every room has a river view. It was beautiful... See below


Saturday morning we got up, had breakfast and called a guy by the name of Rich that owns and operates a parasailing boat. We made arrangements on where to meet him and headed off. Yes, I was nervous. For those of you who know me in real life...you know that I am not HUGE on "wild" water (Tiffany do you remember floating the Salt River with us LOL) , I am not an exceptional swimmer, and I really don't like heights. If truth be told, I have a bit of an anxiety disorder. However, as soon as I stepped on the boat and met Rich, I was put completely at ease. He has 25 years experience taking people parasailing, was so personable and knew exactly what he was doing.
Here is a picture of the exact parachute we used, the exact boat we were on and...Rich :-)


As I soared over the Colorado River, a couple hundred feet up in the air surrounded by beautiful mountains and blue water, I was in awe. I felt so alive, so free and was just amazed by the beauty that surrounded me. Rich brought me down and dipped me in the water a bit to cool me off and the next thing I know I am back up in the sky so effortlessly. I was up there giggling like a little school girl.

Then...it was Pace's turn. I sat on the boat and watched him flail his arms around, having the time of his life turning the chute left...then right and then all of a sudden I see Rich jump up and open the hatch of the boat where the engine is and it is then that I see water pouring into the engine. I see a little bit of panic on Rich's face as he fires up the winch to reel Pace in. Then, I start to panic a bit...then I REALLY start to panic when I realize that Rich has to turn off the boat so he doesn't ruin his engine...which means no winch...which means Pace will not be having the nice, dry, easy boat landing that I did. I was right. Pace was lowered down slowly into the river and once he realized he wasn't just being dipped to cool off looked at Rich as if to say "WTH". LOL

Rich directed Pace on how to unhook himself, got Pace and the parachute back on the boat and beelined over to a small beach where he had his wife pick us up and take us back to our truck. All in all, it was a wonderful adventure...I am just REALLY glad it was Pace that had the water landing and not me...I am afraid of how I may have reacted.

After the parasailing adventure, Pace and I went back to the resort, packed up our beach stuff, sandwiches and a cooler and headed to the private little island that is connected to the resort by a boat dock. (You can see it in the picture above...it's awesome!) We found a wonderfully cozy spot in between two palm trees, put our chairs in the water and had lunch. Then spent a couple of hours in the water enjoying the cool boats and even cooler water.

When we had enough of the sun, we went back into the resort where they have the indoor swimming pools and a water slide. Now...I haven't been on a water slide since my 9th birthday...you do the math. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! I felt like I was 9 again and ended up going down the slide 4 times giggling a little more each time. The rest of the evening we just hung out at the resort dancing, mingling and did a little gambling then headed home Sunday morning.


Ahhhh it was so wonderful to have a weekend to ourselves, full of fun, relaxation, and feeling like a kid again.

I gotta say...turning 30 freaking ROCKED!!!!!