It wasn't HORRIBLE...but it wasn't GREAT.
I felt so detached. Let me explain...I am a baby Christian, I go to a non-denominational church and am new to this whole "relationship with God thing." I don't have scripture memorized, I don't hear God's voice, etc. The people that facilitate my bible study to ... I guess you could compare them to Pentecostal Christians. They are very avid in the super-natural. They speak in tongues, they are "slain in the Spirit." ect. MUCH different than the Catholic church I grew up in.
I used to enjoy these bible studies...they felt very powerful to me and I was very interested in this new type of worship. But this time I was so detached I just was NOT feeling it. If fact...for the first time, it seemed almost comical to me.
I cried the whole time non-stop. (like I knew I would) and I could not get out of there soon enough. I wasn't ready. I need to take it MUCH slower. Pace and I talked and we are going to return to our non-denominational church in the next couple of weeks and we are going to skip the "bible studies" we have been going to. We are just going to take it very slow for a while.
I am still waiting for AF to show. Today is Day 39 with no sign of AF in sight. I am going to email my dr. and see if she thinks I should just wait it out, or if I should start Provera to bring on AF.
4 comments:
I'm sorry your day was hard. I wish I had pearls of wisdom, but I do not. Just wanted to reach out and give you a hug.
Also - AF vibes being sent your way!
Coming from a Catholic background myself, any type of church is different. I went to all types of churches pentecostal, evangelical, conservative, baptist, etc. while in college checking them out. I knew Catholicism was no longer for me, but I wasn't sure where I did belong when it came to church.
Does your non-denominational church have a Bible study?
I'd also suggest places like BSF. They have some really good studies (although they are a little intense) to dig into the Bible without the overwhelming other stuff.
I think the whole scripture memorization and hearing God's voice (I think this is more of a feeling inside you), comes with time. I never used to have verses memorized, but slowly had to work on them.
I definitely think taking it slow is a good idea. Just don't forget that God loves you. And he cares more about you than you can even realize. Just because we often feel he's not around, doesn't mean he's not there.
Praying for you (and for AF to show).
**HUGS**
So sorry it didn't go well, Nicole. I have found that bible studies go so much better when I have a real relationship with the other ppl in the group. I'm more likely to open up, allow God in, and be "real" with the other people there instead of trying to look good and Godly...
And I also came from a Catholic background and I would be VERY scared away by speaking in tongues, etc. Just take it slow & maybe even visit a few churches here and there to make sure yours is a good fit for you! :) I'll be praying!
Hi, Nichole. I just found your blog after you commented on my post (and I'll add you to my blog list!). :)
I was really touched by this post of yours. I kind of feel like you do -- I guess I'm a baby Christian, too, although I grew up Lutheran and always had some sort of relationship with God. But when I met my husband (who grew up Catholic but got saved at an Assemblies of God church), I really started wanting a more personal relationship with God. I've never heard Him either, and I can't quote many scripture passages. I get frustrated with that a lot of times, because it makes me feel like He's ignoring me. We're still "church shopping" for the right place to call home, and it's hard to know where that right place is.
I hope you find your "home" too. And I hope this difficult time of your life passes very soon.
Glad I found you! :)
Lauren
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