Tyra...I pray for you...only cause Jesus told me I should.

OK...you can ask Pace...I am an Americas Next Top Model junkie. I watch reruns over and over again. I watch the Tyra Banks show when I can as well. However, never again will she appear on my TV. Not after this. I ran across this from a fellow infertile blogger. Apparently Tyra wants to do a show on infertility. Here is their description of the show:

DO YOU KNOW A WOMAN OBSESSED WITH BECOMING PREGNANT?
Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then SUBMIT BELOW.
Please do not submit unless you are willing to appear on “The Tyra Banks Show".

And then here is my response to Tyra:

I am appalled and embarrassed at the description of the show on women trying to become a mom. I am one of those women who have struggled for 3 years now to look into my child's eye and see the reflection of my husband and I. No one has the right to tell a woman that she needs to "give up" on her dream of carrying a child in her belly. Each woman must make that decision for herself when she is ready. You have no idea the pain and anguish women facing infertility go through and the description of your show shows ignorance and insensitivity on the subject of infertility. You are going to feed the American people full of crap and stigmas that those of us struggling with infertility already struggle to overcome on a daily basis. I would expect as a woman and a voice for the American people that you would educate Americans on infertility and reduce some of the stigmas instead of add to them. Do you really think we don't face people telling us to give up on a daily basis? I used to be a fan of yours, however, I am very disappointed and will no longer watch your shows. Any of them!

Ok - so this response will do no good, no one will read it, it certainly won't get Tyra's attention, but it made me feel better.

Overall, I am feeling ok. Yesterday was the first day I didn't feel like I was going to upchuck all over myself. Yep...wonderful side effect of the Met.formin. The nausea gave me a little taste of what it COULD be like IF I EVERY get pregnant. Ha!

Anyway...I am praying for Tyra and that she may stop being ignorant and that she try to educate America on infertility, the emotional pain, the physical reasoning behind it and the various types of treatment. Amen.

I am a pill popping junkie

OK, so not REALLY, but actually...yeah, really. I got a call back from my dr. and he wants me to take the provera for another 3 months and double my dose of Met.formin. I am ok with that as long as the Met doesn't make me feel sick, at this point I will take all the pills in the world if it would mean I could close out 2008 with a baby.

I have a good feeling about this though. I really feel like my turn might be coming. For once I REALLY feel some hope. I am not sure why, I really have no scientific reason to think I would get pregnant anytime soon, but...I do. In fact, I am so confident I have started taking prenatal vitamins again. I haven't been taken prenatal vitamins for eight months. I guess I just gave up hope and decided that I shoudn't even waste my time or my money taking prenatal vitamins

However...

I started taking them last night, that is right...another pill - so here is my pill schedule.

Wake up: Take thyroid meds

One hour later: met.formin

One hour before dinner: thyroid

with dinner: met.formin

one hour after dinner: prenatal vitamin

bedtime: provera

Whew....see...I told you I was a pill popping junkie...the first step is admitting it.

Happy Freakin New Year!

Well, here we are 2008, Next month is our official 3 year mark of trying to have a child. I am not sure how I feel about it. Bitter and angry of course, but as the years go on, I feel more numb than anything. I have a very dear friend who is suffering from Recurrent Miscarriages and now recently AF has gone missing. She is such a wonderful person and is going to be a great mom, I just don't understand why this seems to happen to the good people.

I am sure there are not so good people out there that are infertile, but maybe it is just cause they don't care that they are infertile. They don't want to have kids, so in a way for them it is a blessing.

AF still hasn't shown and I haven't called my dr. I am not sure why, on one hand I want a baby SO bad, but on the other side, I am SO tired of going to doctors, trying new meds, new diets, new shots, new tests, more dr. appt, second opinions, more research, and on and on and on. It just gets so overwhelming. But, I am going to make the call. Today. I will call today and find out what the hell we are supposed to do now.

I requested a financial statement from our RE. I am not sure how I am going to be able to handle seeing all on one page HOW MUCH MONEY we spent on IUI's this year. I am terrified to look at it, but I know I need to see if we can write it off on our taxes this year. Maybe I will just keep it sealed until I have to give it to my tax man and let him open it up.

The last couple of months have been a little easier for me cause we have been so busy with the house. We are having a housewarming party at the end of the month and I can't wait to show all of our friends our new home. I am rambling...I know. I think that is just how I am getting through life right now, just keeping myself busy and just ramble from one thing to the next so that I don't think of how old our child should be had we been able to get pg right away.