2009 In Review

January - Went on my first trip to the dunes. It was SO much fun. I only had one panic attack and ended up really enjoying myself. I had my first laparoscopy which confirmed endo. I had an icky fight with my dear friend and our friendship was forever altered.

February - My 4 year wedding anniversary and my husband's 25th birthday. We are on a forced TTC break while my body heals. I join RESOLVE. My nephew Cameron was born. Started hanging out with a new couple - this couple would prove to be our best friends this year. I got a tattoo. My very first (and only as of now). It is a baby sleeping inside angel wings located on my left shoulder (closest to my heart). This is a tribute to my angel baby.

March - We do a Walk For Hope with RESOLVE with the chance to win an free IVF...we didn't win. Found out one of my close friends is pregnant - they had been trying for 2 months. My niece Trinity was born.

April - My due date comes and goes, we are gearing up for another Clo.mid cycle. I am excited to "get back in the game" We go on our first annual Easter hike and stay as far away from church on Easter Sunday as possible. It was a glorious hike and when we reached the top, we released balloons for our angel baby.

May - Clo.mid cycle ends abruptly on Day 21 when the ultrasound shows what appears to be a der.moid cyst on my left ovary. Went on a very spontaneous trip with my husband to California over Memorial weekend. Got to see where he grew up, some beautiful country and the beach! We decide we are ready to pursue adoption - I dive right in.

June - Got a second opinion from my RE. He asked me to wait a couple of weeks and then come back to see if it has grown. Turned down a "sister trip" because the pain of their newborn babies was just too much when I should have had a newborn in my arms too. Attended our first Agency orientation meeting and I totally freaked out. Decided I wasn't quite ready to move forward yet. Found out one of my best friends was pregnant - they had been trying 1 month.

July - Turned 28. Husband rented a Porsche to take me out to my favorite sushi restaurant and then took me to the Broadway show Wic.ked. Went back to RE - my cyst had grown. Had my second laparascopic surgery of the year this month. Through a huge luau party for my birthday - was surprised by two of my most favorite people (they flew all the way from Hawaii to see his family and to surprise me for my birthday) BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!! Love you Tiffany!

August - On another 3 month forced break while my ovaries heal from surgery. Husband then tells me that he wants to take the rest of the year off - he is done. My heart breaks...more wasted time, but after 4.5 years...what is another 5 months? My best friend and co-worker is diagnosed with breast cancer.

September - Go back to KS for my 10 year reunion. Husband rented the new Camaro to show up in style for my reunion. Had a pretty decent time at the reunion, but an AWESOME time with my folks! Trying to enjoy this "break" but really struggling with that.

October - Husband bought a dirt bike and escapes to the dunes with his buddies while I attend a Family Building Symposium - there was a chance to win a free adoption homestudy...and I WON!!! Tuck the certificate away and wait until 2010. Hosted a Halloween block party with our neighbors that ended up at our house! On of my friends had her baby this month.

November - Was faced with the reality that my company is going under - seriously begin looking for another job. Had an AWESOME Thanksgiving with friends! Great food, great company and great drinks! I was asked to host a baby shower for my friend that is due in March - I agreed.

December - Still looking for a job. Not sure how much longer the company is going to be around. Had a good Christmas with friends and family. Had a possible adoption opportunity...fell through. Getting ready to head to the dunes to drink myself silly, enjoy nice bonfires, hang out with friends and tell 2009 to kiss my a$$!

*disclaimer - there are many other...lets count them ... 11 other pregnancy announcements this year, I just don't remember when they came.

Wow - what a weekend! *updated with pics!*

So my big party was Saturday and let me tell you...we had SO much fun! Yes it was hot, but it was fun anyway. We got up early on Saturday and my friend "T" came over to help get everything together, we decorated, went shopping and started on the infamous fruit bouqets. They didn't quite turn out the way I expected, but they were a hit anyway. We laughed, listened to music and totally worked our butts off getting everything ready.

Pace and two of his friends worked diligently in the backyard to get everything set up outside. Poor guys it was so hot!

We had a daiquiri machine running and T and I created our very own Pineapple-Coconut-Mango daiquiri mix. I was kind of nervous because I had never made anything like that and I wasn't sure what I was going to taste like, however it was GREAT! It was a huge hit and we ended up having to go back to the store for more later in the night.

People started arriving around 3:30, my friend "B" brought the coolest beach themed birthday cake Because it was so hot, most people ate first and then jumped right in the pool. We had a volleyball net set up, so everyone was playing volleyball. I think at one point we had 15 people in the pool! LOL After it cooled down a bit, we started playing horseshoes and if people needed to cool down further, they went inside for a cold drink and some pinball. I think overall everyone had a great time! I think we were in bed by around midnight (yes, I think that means I am getting old) but we were pooped!

Pace bought me this AWESOME digital camera for my birthday, I also got a super cute purse and wallet (which I have wanted for a long time, but I am too cheap to buy it for myself), I got some new Bett.y Bo.op pj's, some gift cards, and this super duper cool laundry sorter.

The story behind the laundry sorter: Pace is a very clean guy, he likes things tidy, in their place. I am more of a "live.in.your.house.the.way.you.want.during.the.week.and.then.clean.it.up.on.the.weekend" kind of girl (which has the tendency to drive Pace crazy.) So the laundry sorter is really more practical for him, but is going to be a HUGE saving for me too! It will help me keep the laundry neat and tidy which will appease my husband which will make me a very happy camper!

Sunday morning we got up and went to my favorite breakfast place (which stunk because the service was THE WORST and the food was less than spectacular). When we got home from breakfast, it was Work, Work, Work. My friend "K" did a HUGE amount of cleaning up during the party which totally saved my life, however there was plenty for us to do on Sunday as well. I am still cleaning up sticky mango juice from my floor. LOL

The weekend was great - there are some people out there that I wish could have been there, but circumstances, distance or some other cosmic event prevented that and it is ok, because I was thinking of you!

Whew...need to get caught up!

I haven't written a lot lately because it has just been crazy around our home. Wednesday was my birthday (which I previously posted about) Thursday was back to work as usual. Pace and I both had Friday off so we got up, did some chores and then invited some friends and family over to swim and hang out. That is when the weekend got really interesting.

I had just gotten out of the pool and was visiting with my MIL when I heard someone at the door. One of my friends went inside to answer it, so I just stayed outside and visited. I heard someone coming out through the back door and turned to see who it was and to my surprise, it was my dear friends Jared and Tiffany from Hawaii! Jared is stationed in Hawaii right now with the Army and they TOTALLY surprised me with a visit. It was so amazing. I was shaking and crying, this was just by far the most amazing birthday EVER!

So the rest of the weekend consisted of finishing our fire pit seating, installing the horseshoe pits, mowing the yard, finishing our tiki bar (I'll explain later) swimming, hosting bbq's, attending bbq's and just having a darn nice time with friends. It really was just a super weekend.

This Saturday we are having a Luau themed birthday party for me. I am so excited, the party really has turned into more of a Luau than a "birthday party" which is fine by me. Pace and I have really put a lot of work into this party and we will be so happy when we are finally able to enjoy the party with our friends!

For the party, we used palm trimmings to form our very own tiki cover which will cover the tiki bar. We have a margarita machine (which I will make my favorite mango Daiquiris in) tons of decorations, horseshoe pits, ping pong, badminton, swimming, Wii, pinball...NO ONE should be bored, and if they are...it's their own fault!

We are just going to do sub sandwiches, chips and dip and cool decorative fruit bowls. (Well, I think they are going to be cool, they look really cool in my head...we will see how they turn out) LOL I know, I know...we should be roasting a pig or something but it is projected to be 114 here on Saturday and I want Pace to be able to enjoy the party instead of worrying about cooking and such. So I am very excited for the party!!! I will post pictures of it next week!

On the infertility front...I have really put it out of my mind (as much as possible) for now. I have preoccupied myself with the party and am totally ok with that. I have my follow up appt. with the RE today, I had actually forgotten about it until yesterday (that is such an awesome feeling!). So today I will find out what that pesky cyst is doing and also find out what my ovarian reserve level is at. Kind of scary, but it will be nice to have some answers.

Love to you all - I hope you all had a fantastic fourth of July and hopefully I can upload some pics very soon!

My husband is the BOMB DIGGITY!

So, yesterday was my birthday. I knew Pace was taking me to my favorite sushi place for dinner, but I thought that was all we had planned. BOY WAS I WRONG - here goes my story from last night.

4:30 I get home to an empty house, call Pace he says he is on his way home and would be there shortly

4:45 Pace gets home, I change quickly into something comfy so I can gorge myself on sushi. I go to walk out to the truck to find this outside my house

OK - don't get too excited, it was rented, not purchased, but I don't care it is a freakin awesome car! I cry, I scream, I jump up and down like an idiot, I have never been in a corvette, especially not a hot red one like this!

5:00 we start heading towards dinner, we take the long way so we can spend as much time in the car as possible

6:00 Finish up dinner. It was AWESOME! I crave my favorite sushi from this place, so now that craving has been satisfied...for now. Pace tells me we have to go to Fed.Ex to pick something up and then we have an appointment at 7:30.

6:10 Heading towad Fed.Ex, he won't tell me what the appointment is, so I just sit back and enjoy the sick ride in the sick car!

6:30 Got Fed.Ex package, Pace tells me to open it. It is two tickets to last nights showing of the Broadway musical "Wick.ed"!!! Oh my gosh, the tears again, I was so excited. I couldn't wait!

7:30 Show starts and I cry. I cry because I am so over the moon happy. My husband really went out of his way to make this birthday special and I love him so much for that.

11:00 Hit the bar for a quick nightcap (I know it was a Wed. night and I am usually well into a deep REM by this time at night, but come on! I have a freakin Corv.ette to drive around - there is no time to sleep!)

I felt like a princess the entire night and I didn't think about infertility or adoption once. (Ok - that's not entirely true, I did catch myself thinking "man if we had kids we would never be able to have a cute little two seater sports care like this - I think I could get used to this.") I had an entire night of doing things that pregnant women can't do - shouldn't do at least (sorry for those of you that are pregnant) and for the first time in a long time instead of being pouty and sulky about it.

I ENJOYED EVERY FREAKING MOMENT OF IT!

Thank you husband for the best birthday I could have ever imagined and thank you God for bringing such a special man into my life. - you rock too!

Birthday Blues

This week has been a tough one. (and it isn't even over yet)

First of all, I had a birthday. I remember when birthdays were fun, when you actually looked forward to them. The last two birthdays have just been painful reminders of one more birthday without kids. One more year to add onto the Trying To Conceive marathon. One more year of failed treatments. All three of my sisters waited until they were 27 or 28 to have kids so they think I am a little crazy for trying so soon in my life. They think 27 is the magical number to have kids. Maybe. For them. But when they wanted to have kids, they just tried for a couple of months and then poof! They were pregnant. Not so for me. I am so scared that one day I am going to wake up and realize that I am 28 and the "magical" year for having kids has past me by. Meanwhile, my sisters continue to have children and totally lap me AGAIN on the baby making track.

*Although I MUST say that my husband has been AWESOME to me this birthday! He has really pampered me and totally spoiled me rotten! (I LOVE IT!)

Secondly, I received a call from my mom yesterday to let me know that my aunt was put in a home and is on Hospice care right now. They aren't expecting her to make it through the end of the week. My aunt was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. That is it. She had no clue she had cancer until about 4 or 5 weeks ago. That is all the warning she (we) had. She tried to fight in the beginning and we thought she was going to beat this, but then last week she got VERY ill and has been in the hospital since. She doesn't know where she is and is very confused. She told my brother that she is just ready to give up. She is in too much pain to keep trying.

This is the same woman who (other than giving birth to her kids) has NEVER been in the hospital. She was the care taker of the family and was such a firecracker! It has been a devastating blow to my family and especially my father. He loves his sister so much!

Thirdly, Pace and I are throwing a birthday party for his little sister. She just turned 2, so we spent the majority of yesterday shopping for her gifts, party treats, birthday cake, Dora The Explorer hats, plates, napkins, banners, etc. I purposely avoid the baby section of any store, but I couldn't avoid it yesterday. We shopped for little girl toys, little girl clothes...it was heartbreaking.

I thought I had been doing so well recently, but yesterday really just set me back. I know that I will be fine on Saturday cause I absolutely love Pace's little sister and it is going to bring me such joy to throw her a birthday party, it is just the planning and shopping that is getting to me.

You know that little voice that says "You should be doing this for your own kid, if you had gotten pregnant when you first started trying you would be planning YOUR child's second birthday"? Well, that damn voice just won't go away. I am hoping that a stiff drink tonight will at least drown her a little bit.