Humbled

I am very humbled by the responses I got from my last blog. It continues to amaze me how I have found friendships in people I have never met. I thank each and every one of you for you continued support! It is so comforting to know that there are people out there who have/are experiencing the pain of infertility...and are surviving. I know some of you have beat IF and have become biological parents, and some of you have not, but no matter where we are in our IF journey, we will forever be sisters in the sisterhood of IF.

I pray for each and every one of you!

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you for being such great friends and supporters for me!

Hello again,
I am not sure if anyone still reads this thing, but it is therapy for me, so I will continue to write when I need/want.

Pace and I have been very busy. We are now business partners in a recreation vehicle rental business. We rent quads, rhino's, rv's, dirt bikes and eventually we will do jet skis and boats as well. It is just something fun to do on the side right now. A way to meet people that enjoy riding like we do and a way to pay for the quad we just bought. The last couple of weeks have been so great because the new business has kept me so busy, I haven't had time to think about being pg. (or NOT being pg).

Spring is definately here, it is warming up outside which means our pool is warming up too. I tried on a bathing suit last weekend that I wore 2 years ago (barely) and haven't been able to squeeze into since. IT FIT!!! I was so excited! I now don't feel like I have to wear a moomoo to the pool I am still overweight, but I have lost 35 pounds and have held it off for 3 months. Ideally, I would like to loose an additional 25 pounds, but I am just going to take it easy and enjoy the 35 I have lost thus far.

I am anxiously awaiting my dr. appt. in May. I will hopefully get some information on Clomid and the cost associated with doing a Clomid cycle. I have a very dear friend who was going to start taking Clomid this month, however she was unable to cause AF is MIA. (no unfortunately she is not pg) So, she can't be the Clomid guinea pig. I hope she can be the guinea pig, before I have to be the guinea pig cause honestly, Clomid scares the poop out of me. I have heard some horror stories.

Anywho...that is the update on us for anyone who still reads this.

Not sure what to think

So I know I haven't blogged in a while. For multiple reasons.

Number one, I have been VERY busy. My parents were in town for a week which was wonderful! We were finally able to show off our house to them. I finally broke down and let Pace buy a quad. It is so much fun! Then Pace rolled the quad. No real damage to either of them, just a few scrapes and bruises.

Number Two: I have just been sad. I don't like to blog when I am sad because then I look back at what I wrote and think "God I sound like a pathetic whiny brat" so I refrain.

Last month (the 26th to be exact) marked 3 years of marriage and Trying To Conceive. A very bittersweet day for Pace and I. So, I have just been sad. I started taking Provera to bring on AF on our anniversary (ironic isn't it?).

This is nothing new for me, for the last 6 months I have taken Provera to bring on AF. Every month, I take it for 10 days and on day 11 AF is here in all of her glory. So imagine my surprise when I woke up on day 12 and AF still hadn't come. Of course my body goes into full "Hey lets trick her into thinking she is pregnant" mode. And mass chaos ensued. I became a manic, symptom seeking, moody, boob poking, frequently urinating idiot.

I still have no resolution. I have taken pg tests, all negative, but still no AF. I have no idea what my body is doing, but I figure either 1. I AM pregnant and it is just too early to tell via pg test. (After all my cycles are SO screwed up I have absolutely NO idea if/when I ovulate) or 2. Something else is wrong with my body and I am moving farther and farther away from actually conceiving.
*sigh*
Why can't my body just cooperate. Why do we have to play these silly little games? Am I pg or not? So silly! I have no idea what to think, but I have decided that maybe I should just give thinking up all together. That way, I won't over obsess, won't over analyze and make myself absolutely crazy.

And besides...men love women that don't think! It could be my own little anniversary present to Pace!


**Update** AF is here. This month is a bust and once again I have wasted 5 days of my life worrying and obsessing about this shit.