Monday, March 10, 2008

Not sure what to think

So I know I haven't blogged in a while. For multiple reasons.

Number one, I have been VERY busy. My parents were in town for a week which was wonderful! We were finally able to show off our house to them. I finally broke down and let Pace buy a quad. It is so much fun! Then Pace rolled the quad. No real damage to either of them, just a few scrapes and bruises.

Number Two: I have just been sad. I don't like to blog when I am sad because then I look back at what I wrote and think "God I sound like a pathetic whiny brat" so I refrain.

Last month (the 26th to be exact) marked 3 years of marriage and Trying To Conceive. A very bittersweet day for Pace and I. So, I have just been sad. I started taking Provera to bring on AF on our anniversary (ironic isn't it?).

This is nothing new for me, for the last 6 months I have taken Provera to bring on AF. Every month, I take it for 10 days and on day 11 AF is here in all of her glory. So imagine my surprise when I woke up on day 12 and AF still hadn't come. Of course my body goes into full "Hey lets trick her into thinking she is pregnant" mode. And mass chaos ensued. I became a manic, symptom seeking, moody, boob poking, frequently urinating idiot.

I still have no resolution. I have taken pg tests, all negative, but still no AF. I have no idea what my body is doing, but I figure either 1. I AM pregnant and it is just too early to tell via pg test. (After all my cycles are SO screwed up I have absolutely NO idea if/when I ovulate) or 2. Something else is wrong with my body and I am moving farther and farther away from actually conceiving.
Why can't my body just cooperate. Why do we have to play these silly little games? Am I pg or not? So silly! I have no idea what to think, but I have decided that maybe I should just give thinking up all together. That way, I won't over obsess, won't over analyze and make myself absolutely crazy.

And love women that don't think! It could be my own little anniversary present to Pace!

**Update** AF is here. This month is a bust and once again I have wasted 5 days of my life worrying and obsessing about this shit.

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