Welcome ICLW...Life is A-Changing...

Ladies (and Gents...) I can't believe where my life is now compared to where it was in January of this year. In January we were so on board and motivated to move forward with adoption (not that we aren't now...but we just can't now). I was still working, Pace was working at his previous company, life was pretty good...

Now, life is even better...

We are being blessed in so many ways, I just can't tell you. Now we are continuing to try on our own and hope something happens there, I am no longer working although the opportunity to work from home is starting to come together (Yipeeeee!) Pace has started a new job which requires him to work nights. Yes...being alone at night stinks...but it was so awesome to spend the day with my husband today. We ran some errands, did chores around the house and as we were walking into Home Depot holding hands I asked myself "could life be any better right now?"

Of course the pain and bitterness is still there...every day. However, I am really enjoying where we are now. My body is somewhat doing what it is supposed to and we have agreed that if there is no ovulation this month, we will do Fem.ara again.

We are packing up our spare bedroom next month (we have another bedroom for guests) and taking all of the furniture back to my parents in KS...that's right...we are moving the furniture out to make room for our future nursery. Well for now, it will be a play room for Pace's little sister and a room for the dog kennels, (yes...our dogs are in there kennels ocassionally when we are gone from the house for a while..they actualyl like it in there *yes they told me so*...don't judge) but at least there is some progress and hope that we both believe that SOMEDAY there will be a baby in there whether biological or not...we will be parents and right now...today...in this very moment...I am ok with that.

However, I make no promises for tomorrow! :-)

Change...times 10

As you have noticed...there have been LOTS of changes in my life recently. I have barely had time to think about IF or TTC over the last couple of weeks and that has actually brought a nice break.

I didn't ovulate last month which was a little disheartening, but the good news is...AF is arriving on schedule. That's right...4 "normal" cycles in a row! My sweet friend (who is currently 14 weeks pregnant after her 8th IVF) donated her Clear Bl.ue Eas.y Fer.tility Mon.itor to me so I am going to give that a try this month instead of my Internet cheapies. I think that will give me a better idea of exactly what my LH is doing and we have decided to pursue Fem.ara again next month if I don't ovulate this month.

Adoption for us is on hold for now. We just don't have the funds to pursue it right now and since everything is so up in the air for us right now, we just can't add that to our plate at this time.

Pace accepted the position at a new company. I am so excited for him. I think this company is going to be able to provide him much more opportunity. He is a little anxious about the move - it is always tough starting a new job - but I know everyone will fall in love with him and he will fit in just perfectly.

I am still in the process of figuring out something to do work wise that will allow me to work from home. At this point...it is looking pretty good. It will probably take 3-4 months for everything to come together and work out, but at least we are moving in the right direction.

Everything is starting to come together for our Second Annual Tiki Party. The tiki bar is almost fixed, the pool is primed and warming nicely, the palm trees are taking off, the grass is green and beautiful, my hibiscus bush had it's first bloom and this weekend we are going to paint the pool deck. This is something Pace has wanted to do for a long time. It is going to be a lot of work, but it will be worth it!

So as you can see, we are busy, but we are doing great. We are taking one day at a time and are grateful for all of the new opportunities that are coming our way.

Funky Monkey

Yes I am still here - yes I have been a crappy blogger.

To say that I am in a funk is an understatement. We got certified to adopt, however I lost my job...no job equals no adoption. We have been very good about not going into debt (other than our house) and I refuse to believe that the only way we can start a family is by taking out a $20,000 + loan.

The previous owner of my company is completely screwing me over on Unemployment making filing much more difficult (not that it is a lot of money I will be getting, but hey...every little bit helps)

DH just took a new job offer. I am very excited for him, he will be making more money, however there is a lot of stress that goes into switching jobs (especially for insurance purposes) I am not cheap (medically) and I know that the 3 months before his new medical benefits kick in are going to be tough. We will make it work, we always do. It is just stressful!

Then there is Mother's Day. It was actually pretty nice because we were driving back from SLC on Mother's Day (a 12 hour drive for us) so I virtually missed ALL of the Mother's Day hub bub. We celebrated with MIL last night and I was cooking dinner in the kitchen I just started to get pissed. Yes I know that in society's eyes I am not a mother, but I am damn it. Just because my two precious ones are in heaven and not here for all to see doesn't mean that I am less of a mom. My mother sent me some BEAUTIFUL lillies for Mother's Day with a beautiful card honoring our angel babies. I love that woman! She gets it and I will never be able to express how much it means to me that she understands. I got a few nice text messages from girlfriends as well wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and that...was that.

No ovulation this month makes Nichole a very bitchy girl. I am terrified that my cycles are messing up again and will all of the stress and change going on in my life right now...I can totally understand why they would.

Being a stay-at-home wife is not what I was cut out to do that is for sure! I have watched Emily a couple days since I have become unemployed, and those days go much better for me. I actually catch myself smiling and enjoying myself when she is around. The days when she isn't here...are tough.

So...I am here, I am reading your blogs, but haven't had the words to comment. I am sorry. I know it is a bit selfish of me, but I wanted you to know that I am here and will resume commenting soon...I promise!

I can now add jobless to my resume...

My company closed it's doors on Friday. I kind of saw it coming, the company has been in financial ruins for the last year or so...but it still stings. I have been with the company for over nine years and it was very bittersweet to see that go. I am working on a few different things that (if they pan out) will allow me to work from home which would be amazing! Then if we did have (or get placed with) a little bambino...I would be able to stay home and still work! Of course until that little bambino comes...it is really boring and mind numbing being at home alone all day.

TTC update: no ovulation thus far this month. I am really hoping this isn't the beginning of messed up cycles again. I was actually really geting used to being regular.

Adoption update: There isn't any. We still have not received word on our certification, so I am giong to wait until after this weekend and if I still have not heard anything, I will call.

We are headed up to Salt Lake City this weekend to visit family and it couldn't have come at a better (and worse) time. Better because I am ready to get out of town for a while, but worse financially. I just pray my "working from home" gig comes to fruition soon!