Yes I am still here - yes I have been a crappy blogger.
To say that I am in a funk is an understatement. We got certified to adopt, however I lost my job...no job equals no adoption. We have been very good about not going into debt (other than our house) and I refuse to believe that the only way we can start a family is by taking out a $20,000 + loan.
The previous owner of my company is completely screwing me over on Unemployment making filing much more difficult (not that it is a lot of money I will be getting, but hey...every little bit helps)
DH just took a new job offer. I am very excited for him, he will be making more money, however there is a lot of stress that goes into switching jobs (especially for insurance purposes) I am not cheap (medically) and I know that the 3 months before his new medical benefits kick in are going to be tough. We will make it work, we always do. It is just stressful!
Then there is Mother's Day. It was actually pretty nice because we were driving back from SLC on Mother's Day (a 12 hour drive for us) so I virtually missed ALL of the Mother's Day hub bub. We celebrated with MIL last night and I was cooking dinner in the kitchen I just started to get pissed. Yes I know that in society's eyes I am not a mother, but I am damn it. Just because my two precious ones are in heaven and not here for all to see doesn't mean that I am less of a mom. My mother sent me some BEAUTIFUL lillies for Mother's Day with a beautiful card honoring our angel babies. I love that woman! She gets it and I will never be able to express how much it means to me that she understands. I got a few nice text messages from girlfriends as well wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and that...was that.
No ovulation this month makes Nichole a very bitchy girl. I am terrified that my cycles are messing up again and will all of the stress and change going on in my life right now...I can totally understand why they would.
Being a stay-at-home wife is not what I was cut out to do that is for sure! I have watched Emily a couple days since I have become unemployed, and those days go much better for me. I actually catch myself smiling and enjoying myself when she is around. The days when she isn't here...are tough.
So...I am here, I am reading your blogs, but haven't had the words to comment. I am sorry. I know it is a bit selfish of me, but I wanted you to know that I am here and will resume commenting soon...I promise!