Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Funky Monkey

Yes I am still here - yes I have been a crappy blogger.

To say that I am in a funk is an understatement. We got certified to adopt, however I lost my job equals no adoption. We have been very good about not going into debt (other than our house) and I refuse to believe that the only way we can start a family is by taking out a $20,000 + loan.

The previous owner of my company is completely screwing me over on Unemployment making filing much more difficult (not that it is a lot of money I will be getting, but hey...every little bit helps)

DH just took a new job offer. I am very excited for him, he will be making more money, however there is a lot of stress that goes into switching jobs (especially for insurance purposes) I am not cheap (medically) and I know that the 3 months before his new medical benefits kick in are going to be tough. We will make it work, we always do. It is just stressful!

Then there is Mother's Day. It was actually pretty nice because we were driving back from SLC on Mother's Day (a 12 hour drive for us) so I virtually missed ALL of the Mother's Day hub bub. We celebrated with MIL last night and I was cooking dinner in the kitchen I just started to get pissed. Yes I know that in society's eyes I am not a mother, but I am damn it. Just because my two precious ones are in heaven and not here for all to see doesn't mean that I am less of a mom. My mother sent me some BEAUTIFUL lillies for Mother's Day with a beautiful card honoring our angel babies. I love that woman! She gets it and I will never be able to express how much it means to me that she understands. I got a few nice text messages from girlfriends as well wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and that...was that.

No ovulation this month makes Nichole a very bitchy girl. I am terrified that my cycles are messing up again and will all of the stress and change going on in my life right now...I can totally understand why they would.

Being a stay-at-home wife is not what I was cut out to do that is for sure! I have watched Emily a couple days since I have become unemployed, and those days go much better for me. I actually catch myself smiling and enjoying myself when she is around. The days when she isn't here...are tough.

So...I am here, I am reading your blogs, but haven't had the words to comment. I am sorry. I know it is a bit selfish of me, but I wanted you to know that I am here and will resume commenting soon...I promise!


Amanda said...

You are definitely a mother.

Hopefully things start looking up soon.

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

lots of love your way, glad your enjoying your time with E. and I hope the best for P and his new job. You will pull out of this girl you will.

Hillary said...

Do what you need to do, sweetie. I hope this time of transition smooths out soon.

Kakunaa said...

I understand....It's okay to take a break for you. You have A LOT going on. I hope things start coming round your way soon.

Tiffany said...

Sorry to hear about your job.

But like everyone else said, take your time, and do what you gotta do. Being in a funk sucks! And I know first hand how sometimes you just need to be left alone to get through it. Good luck! And hopefully things start looking up soon!

Dana said...

Girl, you don't worry about commenting! You take your time and do what you need to do for yourself! When I first became a stay at home wife it was HARD, but it helped me really figure out who I was! Still was hard, but I know you will pull through all of this!!!! Love U and praying!!!!

Angelwingsbaby said...

You are a mother in all of our eyes. I am not sure what adoption agency you are going through but there are a few that let you make payments directly to them.Basically a loan through them you would say but not a loan in the traditional sense. To my knowledge they don't run your credit etc. At least they didn't used to when me and my ex husband had looked into it.I am sure things have changed by now as that was several years ago.((hugs))

Anna said...

Hey, I've been thinking about you! Glad you're back. :)

Jeremy and Emily said...

Sorry things are going rough for you. You are DEFINITELY a mother and deserve to be recognized! Hope things pick up for you.

addingtothepack said...

I am sorry you are in such a funk -- though totally justified considering all that you have on your plate right now.

I have also been reading and not commenting for the past couple of weeks, but wanted to let you know I am out here reading!