February is a very bittersweet month. February marks my husband's birthday, Valentine's Day (which I loathe), and our wedding Anniversary. Last year changed the month of February for me forever.
A year ago tomorrow, we got our second positive pregnancy test. A surprise to both of us a miracle and the most wonderful birthday gift to my husband. That same night, we had our first ultrasound and saw for the very first time the heartbeat of our child. OUR CHILD. WOW
We were cautiously optimistic, but when the morning sickness set in 2 days later...it seemed like we had finally beat infertility. We were finally, after 5 years, going to be a family of 3 (on earth).
10 days later, that all changed. It was over and our second child had now been ripped away from us forever. Heartbroken and sick, we once again grieved the loss of our child, tried to muddle through the rest of the month and enjoy our Anniversary.
This month marks 6 years of trying to start our family. SIX YEARS!!! I am angry, sad, desperate, and heartbroken. However, I am trying to put on a happy face and get through the month of "happy" days. My husband's birthday is tomorrow, and I am doing everything I can to not ruin it for him.
I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when it is March!