Friday, February 04, 2011

Beginning of a very tough month

February is a very bittersweet month. February marks my husband's birthday, Valentine's Day (which I loathe), and our wedding Anniversary. Last year changed the month of February for me forever.

A year ago tomorrow, we got our second positive pregnancy test. A surprise to both of us a miracle and the most wonderful birthday gift to my husband. That same night, we had our first ultrasound and saw for the very first time the heartbeat of our child. OUR CHILD. WOW

We were cautiously optimistic, but when the morning sickness set in 2 days later...it seemed like we had finally beat infertility. We were finally, after 5 years, going to be a family of 3 (on earth).

10 days later, that all changed. It was over and our second child had now been ripped away from us forever. Heartbroken and sick, we once again grieved the loss of our child, tried to muddle through the rest of the month and enjoy our Anniversary.

This month marks 6 years of trying to start our family. SIX YEARS!!! I am angry, sad, desperate, and heartbroken. However, I am trying to put on a happy face and get through the month of "happy" days. My husband's birthday is tomorrow, and I am doing everything I can to not ruin it for him.

I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when it is March!

7 comments:

... said...

Hugs xxxx Thinking of you!!!

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

I love you babe, and I know you guys will have a wonderful month despite everything the month may bring. Thinking about you always and miss you!!!!!

Cori said...

I will be thinking of you! I hope you can enjoy the month despite the tough things that surround it. XOXO

Miss Ruby said...

Sending you big huge cuddly love filled hugs and enough strength to get you through the rest of this month!

feb is a horror month for me too.

~x~

Kakunaa said...

HUGS. I think we all have months that feel like that, and I totally understand the inclination to crawl into bed until it's all over. Hang in there, sweetie. Thinking of you.

Jeremy and Emily said...

It's so hard, but just focusing on the good things about this month will help. Know that there are people thinking about you and praying for you to help you get through it. :)

Angelwingsbaby said...

I am still here for you... always will be....I hope you know that ((hugs)) -Megan