Friday, June 20, 2008

1 DPO read that right. I am officially 1 DPO. According to my dr. I was supposed to stop taking OPT's on Tuesday, but for some reason I just kept taking them. Last night, TOTALLY unexpectedly...TWO LINES SHOWED UP! And the test line was DARKER than the control line!

I was totally taken back. I was totally shaking! I showed Pace the test and then... for the first time we had to do some Baby Dancing on demand. LOL

I am so bummed that I now I have to wait 2 weeks to take a pg test and that the date I am supposed to test is 2 days before my birthday party. But...what are you going to do?

I am just so excited that my body FINALLY seems to be doing something right!

And...I couldn't ask for a better birthday present!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008 are a tricky drug!

OK...I know I haven't updated but to be honest I don't know what to say without sounding like a rambling idiot.

I finished my Clo.mid on June 6th. By that time I was VERY uncomfortable. My ovaries felt like they were going to explode any second and I was so tired I could barely function. I was emotional and overall just a mess. So, per my dr.'s orders I began taking OPK's on June 7th, the day after my last Clo.mid.

It was positive.

At first I got really had actually worked! and worked well! My ovaries were not near as swollen or uncomfortable, so it must be true! I was so excited!...then all the years of pessisimism (thank you infertility) kicked in and I started telling myself that there is no way it worked that fast and that well. Something must be wrong. So I got on Dr. Google and my fears were confirmed. "Clomid can cause false postives on OPK's if OPK is taken within a few days of the last dose of Clomid."

Well, my OPK was positive the day after my last Clomid. So...I HAVE NO IDEA! I continued taking OPK's and haven't gotten another positive yet. So it has been a week and a half of going back and forth...was it a true positive....or a false positive?

Did I really "O"?

It couldn't have worked...

yes it could have...

why couldn't it have worked?...

Because I have been trying for 3 and a half years damn it...that's why. could have been a true positive...


So...I have decided to treat that positive as a "true" positive AND continue taking OPK's just in case. So...if that was a true positive, I am officially 11DPO (days past ovulation).

I am REALLY trying not to "make up" symptoms, but my body is really tricky! I have had cramps the last couple of days, and am fighting a headache today (which I rarely get). So here I am looking into these symptoms when they probably aren't symptoms, thinking that maybe they are symptoms and I just can't wait for Saturday to be here so I can test.


At the same time I don't want Saturday to come...ever. I am so scared to test. What if it is negative? I am not prepared to deal with another negative test. I am not prepared to tell my husband that another month has failed, I am not prepared to tell my friends and family that another cycle failed. I am not prepared to tell my husband that we will have to spend MORE money on IF.

I am just unprepared
and my head is splitting
and I am so nervous!

Please Lord, let this be the month, let this be the month that you bless us with a baby.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Day 4

So I am still exhausted. Seriously! Pace went out with some friends last night to watch the basketball game. I was supposed to go but my glands are so swollen (as are my ovaries) and I was just too tired. So I opted to stay home. So I went to the store, bought chocolate ice cream and two celebrity magazines and headed home.

I put on my pj's, curled up on the couch and didn't move the rest of the night.

Today I am still exhausted, I am looking forward to relaxing in my pool catching some rays this weekend. Not a care in the world.

Tonight is my last Clo.mid. Then it is time to start POAS (Peeing on a stick) to look for the big "O". Which reminds me that I need to go to the store to pick up some sticks for my O kit.

I am not being monitored by a dr. right now (as far as going in for ultrasounds) I was jut directed to take the pills and look for "O". Which is good since I have another $1500 to pay until my deductible is met and these dr. bills are KILLING me!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Holy Hormones!

Yeah, some of the symptoms have hit. The biggest one though is TIREDNESS! I just can't get enough sleep. I am exhausted morning, noon and night. I thought at the beginning of the week that I was just tired from the weekend, but it hasn't gotten any better. Only worse.

I don't remember tiredness being a side effect, but so far that is the main one I have had and for the time being I am going to blame it on the Clo.mid. I can feel my ovaries swelling, so the Clo.mid must be doing something down there.

I have only had one crying spell so far. I totally broke down last night when I came home and the house smelled like cigarette smoke. (I know, I know) Poor Pace, I am sure he is thinking that when I do get pg this is what he is going to have to deal with and may be having second thoughts. :-)

He was good though, I had to leave the house for a while to try and compose myself which backfired because it just made me cry more and made me more tired. When I got back home Pace just held me and let me cry which is exactly what I needed.

I am also still fighting strep throat. I was feeling really good for a couple of days, but then yesterday my left tonsil blew up and hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks. I am so tired of having a sore throat! I have a few more days on my antibiotics and if something doesn't change quickly...I will be back at the dr. Which I am sure will result in a tonsilectomy. Grrrrr

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

We Started!

So, I took my very first Clo.mid last night. I didn't sleep very well last night, but I don't think that was related to the Clo.mid, I think it was due to my crazy, hectic weekend.

Saturday morning Pace and I went to pick up the pavers for our backyard, fire pit project. We have excavated 100 square feet of our hard clay soil and have spread paver sand for the foundation of our fire pit. Granted, we didn't get any of the pavers laid, but at least they are at my house.

Then Pace and I started getting ready for the Kenny Chesney concert. And by getting ready I mean drinking and freshening up. (Don't worry my MIL drove us to the concert and picked us up) We had SO MUCH FUN! Oh my goodness, if you have any opportunity to go to this concert, YOU MUST! Keith Urban was my favorite, but Kenny was awesome as well, it was just such an awesome concert. It lasted 8 hours! It started at 3 and got over at like 11:30 pm! Fun was had by all and I will post pics when I get them downloaded.

Then on Sunday my MIL, little sister, Pace and I hung out by the pool almost all day. I think we were in the pool by 10:00 am and I didn't get out until 3:00 pm. Needless to say, I am a little burnt and EXHAUSTED! I had so much fun, but am just exhausted!

So, I feel really tired, but I think that is just from trying to recover from the weekend, not the Clo.mid. I am REALLY hoping that I continue to NOT have any symptoms from the Clo.mid as I am already a pretty emotional person...I DON'T need anything to magnetize that! LOL