We are out this month...I have officially had 10 days of "medium" fertility on my monitor, without a surge. This is our fourth Fem.ara cycle and it seems to be a pattern. The first Fem.ara cycle I "O'd" on CD18, the second I had 12 days of medium fertility, no ovulation with what I am almost 100% sure were cysts, the third cycle I "O'd" on CD16 and this month...at least 10 days of medium fertility, no ovulation and I am pretty sure I have cysts again.
So...where do we go from here? We go back to the RE on Dec. 6th for a consult. I am pushing to do Foll.istim, trigger and either TI or IUI, but we will see what the RE thinks. Depending on when AF shows, we may take the month of Dec. off, or we may just jump in with both feet and go for it.
To update you all on my niece, she is doing as well as can be expected. She did have to get a platelet transfusion yesterday, and after that she was feeling much better. She has been able to hold down a little bit of food, but not much. She doesn't play independently right now and really just wants to be held all day. These are all perfect examples of why we offered to take their youngest for a while, so my sister wouldn't feel so stressed trying to accommodate the needs of both girls.
I won't be on or blogging until after we get back from our Thanks.giving vacation. It is supposed to be -15 there at night! BRRRRRRR! This AZ lizard is going to have some adjusting to do!
I wish you all safe travels, and a wonderful holiday. I know that this time of year can be really hard for us infertiles, so please be kind to yourself, take care of yourself and remember that you are not alone, and your pain is justified!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Delays and Dilly Dallies
Today is CD15 and no movement on the monitor as of yet. I am really hoping that this month isn't another annovulatory month. Those just SUCK.
If it is in fact an annovulatory month, I am not sure what we will do in Dec. In one sense I am sick of dumping $160 down the drain for fertility meds when I am not even ovulating, on the other hand, our other options are much more expensive.
I guess we will just wait and see what happens in the next week. A delayed "O" wouldn't be too bad as we are traveling to my FIL's for Thanksgiving and I REALLY don't want to have to test when we are there. So, I guess if my "O" is delayed a day or two (which it seems to be if it comes at all) it will actually be for the best.
I am not sure how much I will be blogging in the next couple of weeks. My niece (21 months old) is coming to stay with me and my sister (that lives a mile away) for at least a month while her older sister has her last month of very strong cancer treatment. The treatment is probably going to cause her to be very ill, and we have offered to take my younger niece, so that my sister can just concentrate on being there for Melia. My heart goes out to my sister - she is one of the strongest women, with the strongest faith I have ever met!
If any of you are the praying type - extra prayers for my niece and the entire family would be greatly appreciated.
If it is in fact an annovulatory month, I am not sure what we will do in Dec. In one sense I am sick of dumping $160 down the drain for fertility meds when I am not even ovulating, on the other hand, our other options are much more expensive.
I guess we will just wait and see what happens in the next week. A delayed "O" wouldn't be too bad as we are traveling to my FIL's for Thanksgiving and I REALLY don't want to have to test when we are there. So, I guess if my "O" is delayed a day or two (which it seems to be if it comes at all) it will actually be for the best.
I am not sure how much I will be blogging in the next couple of weeks. My niece (21 months old) is coming to stay with me and my sister (that lives a mile away) for at least a month while her older sister has her last month of very strong cancer treatment. The treatment is probably going to cause her to be very ill, and we have offered to take my younger niece, so that my sister can just concentrate on being there for Melia. My heart goes out to my sister - she is one of the strongest women, with the strongest faith I have ever met!
If any of you are the praying type - extra prayers for my niece and the entire family would be greatly appreciated.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Here we are again...
The holidays...
Last weekend signified the beginning of two very difficult months with three even more difficult holidays in them. I am beyond sick about having to go through another holiday season with no children of our own. As if seeing my fb news feed FLOODED with all of my friend's and family's adorable children dressed up in their costumes wasn't bad enough...I know that this is only the beginning.
I am feeling very forgotten lately. So many people I know are pregnant right now. A lot of them are fellow IF's and for that I am extremely excited for them, but it leaves me feeling very isolated. I joined an IF chat board about 5 years ago and at the time, it was full of IF's that were trying for #1. It was a very comfortable place, with so much support and love. It is still a place with support and love however out of the 100+ women that are on this board, there are 3 or 4 of us that are still trying for #1. It is SO HARD! Some of them are now pregnant with #3 and I just don't feel like I belong there some days.
I believe I told you all that I was seeing a life coach. She is also IF and so she was absolutely wonderful for me! She was a person that "gets it" ...well, she is pregnant. I am elated for her, but again it just made me feel like one more person was leaving me behind.
I suppose that is why I am not blogging as much either. So many of you have had your happy ending and I am still here. Of course I am ecstatic for all of you and it is nice to hear of the success stories, but again, I feel left behind.
I have had so many people ask me, why have you been trying for 6 years and haven't done IVF? Well, there are lots of reasons:
1. We don't have the money nor do we have ANY IF insurance coverage
2. I have been pregnant twice (once with Clo.mid, and once completely naturally)
3. I have endured 2 surgeries which required us to take time off from TTC
4. We don't have the money
5. We had decided to adopt (prior to most recent pg) and therefore, weren't TTC
6. We have had mixed diagnosis as to what exactly our problem is and therefore the best way to treat it
7. We don't have the money
Do you see a pattern here? Yes, there are lots of reasons, but the BIGGEST reason is money. Which is why I am even more bitter. Since when did MONEY decide how I would build my family? Meanwhile, some of my money is going to pay for daycare, meals and insurance for those families that can't afford it. What about my family?
I used to love the holidays. Now I hate them. I love my family, but the stress of being around everyone is just too much sometimes. If you will remember, me and two of my sisters' were pg at the same time. Their children are now 2 years old. I should have a 2 year old right now. Instead I have two babies in heaven and none in my arms.
I hate the holidays. I hate feeling like the huge white elephant in the room. I hate that I want to burst into tears every time I hear a heartwarming story about someone's kids. I HATE it when people (even IF people) tell me that I am young, and I have plenty of time. Sure, I may not be in my late 30's or early 40's, but IT ISN'T GETTING ANY EASIER THE OLDER I GET. After trying for 6 years and two dead babies, my stats aren't exactly looking that great so take your stupid platitudes and shove them!
Ok, that was harsh, but I had to get that out of my system. I know people mean well, I know that they are trying to be encouraging. I am just not feeling very encouraged right now.
Last weekend signified the beginning of two very difficult months with three even more difficult holidays in them. I am beyond sick about having to go through another holiday season with no children of our own. As if seeing my fb news feed FLOODED with all of my friend's and family's adorable children dressed up in their costumes wasn't bad enough...I know that this is only the beginning.
I am feeling very forgotten lately. So many people I know are pregnant right now. A lot of them are fellow IF's and for that I am extremely excited for them, but it leaves me feeling very isolated. I joined an IF chat board about 5 years ago and at the time, it was full of IF's that were trying for #1. It was a very comfortable place, with so much support and love. It is still a place with support and love however out of the 100+ women that are on this board, there are 3 or 4 of us that are still trying for #1. It is SO HARD! Some of them are now pregnant with #3 and I just don't feel like I belong there some days.
I believe I told you all that I was seeing a life coach. She is also IF and so she was absolutely wonderful for me! She was a person that "gets it" ...well, she is pregnant. I am elated for her, but again it just made me feel like one more person was leaving me behind.
I suppose that is why I am not blogging as much either. So many of you have had your happy ending and I am still here. Of course I am ecstatic for all of you and it is nice to hear of the success stories, but again, I feel left behind.
I have had so many people ask me, why have you been trying for 6 years and haven't done IVF? Well, there are lots of reasons:
1. We don't have the money nor do we have ANY IF insurance coverage
2. I have been pregnant twice (once with Clo.mid, and once completely naturally)
3. I have endured 2 surgeries which required us to take time off from TTC
4. We don't have the money
5. We had decided to adopt (prior to most recent pg) and therefore, weren't TTC
6. We have had mixed diagnosis as to what exactly our problem is and therefore the best way to treat it
7. We don't have the money
Do you see a pattern here? Yes, there are lots of reasons, but the BIGGEST reason is money. Which is why I am even more bitter. Since when did MONEY decide how I would build my family? Meanwhile, some of my money is going to pay for daycare, meals and insurance for those families that can't afford it. What about my family?
I used to love the holidays. Now I hate them. I love my family, but the stress of being around everyone is just too much sometimes. If you will remember, me and two of my sisters' were pg at the same time. Their children are now 2 years old. I should have a 2 year old right now. Instead I have two babies in heaven and none in my arms.
I hate the holidays. I hate feeling like the huge white elephant in the room. I hate that I want to burst into tears every time I hear a heartwarming story about someone's kids. I HATE it when people (even IF people) tell me that I am young, and I have plenty of time. Sure, I may not be in my late 30's or early 40's, but IT ISN'T GETTING ANY EASIER THE OLDER I GET. After trying for 6 years and two dead babies, my stats aren't exactly looking that great so take your stupid platitudes and shove them!
Ok, that was harsh, but I had to get that out of my system. I know people mean well, I know that they are trying to be encouraging. I am just not feeling very encouraged right now.
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