Friday, August 08, 2008

Rain, Cars and Football

It rained last night. And it was beautiful. I love the monsoon storms in Arizona, it doesn't rain often here, but when it does...look out! The storms come in quickly, full of power, full of lightning, it dumps the rain and then it is just calm and quiet.

I am kind of in a funk the last couple of days. Pace has been working a lot of hours the last couple of weeks. As in...working the day shift AND the night shift! So I kind of feel a little isolated from him right now. I am sure the stress of waiting for AF has something to do with it as well. I have been pretty proud of myself for not testing yet. I am a POASaholic...so this is taking much restraint and determination for me, but I DON'T want to go into work after another BFN. If AF hasn't shown up by Sunday morning, I will probably test.

I am not all that hopeful for this cycle with the screwy OPT and the lack of any symptoms whatsoever...but who knows. It is in God's hands and nothing I do about it at this point will do any good. I just need to have faith that He knows my plan.

I have decided to sell my car and get a truck. We need something that will haul all of our camping stuff and the quads up north when we want to go camping or riding and I am ready for a change. It is kind of bitter sweet though. As I was washing off my car so I could take pictures I started reminiscing about buying this car. It was seven years ago, I was single and buying my first car and I had two priorities. Two things that were a must when purchasing a car.

1. a CD player
2. backseat that would comfortably accommodate a car seat.

Yep...that's right. I wasn't dating anyone, I wasn't trying to conceive but my priorities were to be prepared to have children. It makes me sad to know that one of the main intentions was to put a baby in the car and that never happened (at least not my baby) only my mother in laws baby.

So...it is a little bitter sweet for me to get rid of my car. My first big purchase. My first big independent move as an adult. My first car.

I am so glad today is Friday! Work has been such a depressing place lately. Almost everyone I work with is a non-believer (or at least not active believers) and it makes me sad. When I come to work it is full of tension, full of anger and resentment. I remember when coming to work was the highlight of my day. It used to be fun, uplifting and pleasant. I used to feel good when I left, not stressed, drained and ultimately beat up. I can be so filled with the Holy Spirit on Sunday and by midday on Monday...I am zapped. Just drained. I need to find ways to fill myself during the week so I don't feel so defeated by the end of the week.

On a high note: FOOTBALL PRE-SEASON HAS STARTED!!! I am SO happy football season is here. It is my favorite sport and I was so excited to see football on my TV last night!!!

This weekend should be ok. We are going to a going away party for Pace's best friend on Saturday evening. He is getting ready to move to another state. Other than that, not really any other plans for the weekend except...HOPEFULLY getting a BFP on Sunday!

4 comments:

My Infertility Diaries said...

I was the same way with my car...it is sentimental. Great job at not POAS...I give in too easily. I am praying for your BFP on Sunday. Hugs til then :D

Teri said...

Yay! Good luck on selling your car and good luck on Sunday! My Aunt, uncle and cousins live in AZ and my cousin totaled her car last night b/c of the monsoons :( Thank God she's ok! Keep us posted!

Misty River said...

Nichole--I tagged you for six random things about yourself!

Hope2morrow said...

Any news for us?

P.S. I tagged you on my most recent post....