Thursday, August 14, 2008

Unexptected Ride

Wow. The last 4 days have just been a whirlwind of emotion. We told everyone about our pregnancy. We were so excited we just couldn't hold it in. I know it is smartest to wait until after the 12 week mark...but after 3 and a half years...we just couldn't wait.

Tuesday...I started spotting. I of course totally freaked out! I left a message for my dr. and went to bed praying and praying and praying.

Wednesday...My dr. called back wanted to see me at 3:10 pm. I arrive with Pace at 3:05 and checked in with the secretary. I told her I needed to go to the bathroom and asked her where they were. I went to the bathroom and then joined my husband again in the waiting room. About 10 minutes later a nurse came out and asked me if I had left her a urine sample in the bathroom. " one told me I needed to." She said "well...I need you to leave me a sample."

So I trotted back off to the bathroom to squeeze out what I could and rejoined my husband in the waiting room.

20 minutes went by and the same nurse came out and said "Nichole can you come here for a moment...I need to ask you something." I walked down the hallway with her then she asked me the question that sent fear and devastation down my spine. "When you took your home pregnancy long did you let them sit?" I replied. "I didn't, the first one came up within a few seconds, the second one took a little longer but it was a dollar store test, so I didn't think much of it." She said "well your test came back negative."

Of course at this point I started bawling. She tried to cover her tracks by saying "it might just be our tests...sometimes we get bad ones, I am doing another test right now, please don't cry." She told me to go back to the waiting room and the dr. would be with me shortly.

So I go back and sit in the waiting room with all of the "obviously" pregnant women and just wrapped my hands around my belly and started praying. 10 minutes later the same nurse called me back again, took my weight and escorted me to an exam room. She said that "Jocelyn said it was a faint positive, so I need to get some history from you." (Jocelyn is my dr. and don't you think the nurse was SO convincing?)

So after she took my history and left the room, the tears started flowing again, then Jocelyn came into the room saying "Congratulations!" Then she caught a look at my face and immediately asked what was wrong. I told her (between sobs) that the nurse had told me that the test was negative and i was totally freaking out. She said that it was a faint positive, but it was positive and told me not to worry. At this point I was crying so hard I swear the stupid paper gown they had me wearing was dissolving.

She did the pelvic exam and determined that my cervix was closed and that the spotting I was experiencing was old blood and said that she was not concerned about it at all. She said that she was going to send me to the lab to have a Beta drawn, and to check my progesterone and thyroid. She again said "Congratulations" (this word now makes me cringe because I have no idea WTF is going on with my BABY!)

So here is where I am at. I should get the results of my first Beta today (and my progesterone) then I go back to the lab on Friday to have another Beta drawn and the numbers from the Beta on Friday should be double the number of yesterdays Beta. As long as the numbers double...everything is fine and I can relax and try to enjoy being pregnant again, however if they don't double. It's over. I am miscarrying.

I am trying to hard to have FAITH. Surely God would not bring me up to this point and then take the baby away from me right? I mean I have very strong Women of God around me who have told me that God has revealed to them that I would have a baby in my arms by May of next year. Well...correct me if I am wrong, but that means that I would have to be pg now and be able to carry this baby that I am currently carrying... to term. So surely God isn't going to allow these revelations to be false right? I am really reaching out here to you women of Faith...I really need some encouragement right now. I need every prayer you can muster up right now.

I will update my post with the Beta and Progesterone results when I have them.

God Please Don't Take My Baby Away!


Anonymous said...

Nichole my thoughts and prayers are with you!! Have faith and try to think positively.


Kate said...

What a roller coaster!! I hope the numbers are really good. Hang in there!

I Believe in Miracles said...

This sounds SO SO scary. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this all. I'll be praying for you. Keep us posted.

LJ said...

I am sending every positive thought I can to you.

Earl Gearl said...

This is so scary. I was holding my breath the whole time I was reading that post. I'm so sorry this is happening. You're in my thoughts.

My Infertility Diaries said...

Prayer just said for you and the baby. I am also sending you TONS of HUGS!!! "May the Lord make you increase, both you and your children. May you be blessed by the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 115: 14-15

I just wanted to send you a bit of scripture to help you during this time of waiting.