Last weekend I wasn't feeling well. I went home from work early and parked on the couch. Upon my arrival back at work this morning, I was asked if I was feeling better to which I responded "yes thank you I am feeling much better" Then my co-worker says to me "Was it morning sickness?"
Now please keep in mind that I am an open person when it comes to my infertility and my miscarriage. I work for a very small company and most of the people I work with know about my struggles (this particular co-worker is one of them). They know the short basics, they know we have been trying for 4 years, they know that I had a miscarriage in August and they know about my surgery for endo.
So I am left wondering what goes people's minds when they ask me a question like this? What made my co-worker think that it was ok for him to ask me this question? Over the last 4 years I have probably been asked this question 100 times. Every sniffle, tummy trouble, headache, or hang over I have, I get asked "is it morning sickness?"
Don't they know what this does to me?
1. It reminds me in a very uncomfortable way that I am infertile.
2. It feels as if someone is sticking a dagger in my heart.
3. It makes me have to choke back tears and try to remain somewhat composed.
4. It makes me ANGRY!
I mean EXCUSE ME!!!! IF it were morning sickness, I definitely would not announce my miracle pregnancy in that manner! I can see the conversation now:
Me: I didn't do a whole lot this weekend because I wasn't feeling well
Them: Oh - is it morning sickness?
Me: Actually Yes! (bells start ringing and chimes start signing) Congratulations you guessed my tummy trouble correctly. I'm pregnant! Lets step behind door number 3 to see just what you have won!
It is ridiculous what people ask - as if it's any of their business. It isn't just this question either - there is:
"How many kids do you have?"
"How long have you been married? And you don't have any kids?"
"When are you going to make your parents proud grandparents?"
"Why don't you have any kids yet?"
"Where are your kids?"
"Is it you...or him?"
Trust me I could go on and on. Then there are the comments that make me want to rip out my hair and scream until I literally burst my vocal cords:
"You should just relax - then you will get pregnant"
"You should start the adoption process, a friend of a friend of a cousin of a neighbor had trouble getting pregnant and as soon as they started the adoption process BAM they got pregnant."
"You should just adopt - there are so many unwanted children out there that need a family"
"You should go on a vacation and forget all about it - then you will get pregnant."
"You should just stop trying - a friend of a friend of a cousin of a neighbor had trouble getting pregnant and then they decided to stop trying all together. 4 months later they got pregnant."
"You are lucky - kids are such hard work"
"You just wait until you have kids - then you will see what I mean"
I really could go on all day. I have 4 years worth of insensitive, hurtful and untrue questions, comments and assvice.
I think the next time this particular co-worker is out ill, upon his return I will ask him if he was out ill due to hemm.oroids or a vasectomy. I know that they are all just trying to be nice and supportive, but most of the time, unless they have experienced infertility/miscarriage themselves they are being the exact opposite of nice and supportive.
I guess I just need to not tell ANYONE when I am not feeling well and just ask the Lord to forgive them for they know not what they do.