Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A lot can happen in a year (part 2)

A year ago today I was probably happier than I have ever been. We had told pretty much everyone. All of our friends knew, my co-workers knew, some of Pace's co-workers knew. Not that I look back on that I think "How frickin stupid can you be? Why in the hell would you do that to yourself?" Of course...I had no idea what the next couple of days were going to bring.

Lots of my friends had called me immediately after taking an HPT to tell me that they were pg, and their pregnancies turned out just fine. They have wonderful little toddlers right now. didn't work out that way for me.

It was a year ago today that I first started spotting. It was very faint, very brown, but it was there. I was told by my dr. and my sisters (both of which were pregnant at the time) that brown spotting was very normal and not to worry.

How could I not worry? I have been trying to get pregnant for three and a half years, this is my first EVER BFP, and you want me to not worry about spotting? Well...I am worried and until I am examined by a dr. and told that everything is fine...I will continue to worry.

I cried in Pace's arms, so worried that we were going to lose this baby. We have been devastated so many times over the last three and a half years, but nothing compared to the devastation that was yet to come.

Why did we tell so many people?


The Unproductive One said...


Oh hon, I don't know what to say, except I relive each of my miscarriages every single day and wonder how the universe could be so cruel to take something away that I'd waited SO long for.

Much love my friend and lotsa hugs...


LJ said...

I did the same was so pride sucking to have to go back and tell people what happened. So sorry you have to have an anniversary of this.

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

I love you girl, my heart gose out to you for staying so strong on the outside during this process that you had to go through even though you were braking down on the inside.
I love you tons and tons. :)

Dana said...

I ask myself the same question. But I know it we told so many ppl b/c we had waited oh so long for that BFP. And when it came we just wanted to rejoice and tell everyone. Which of the end made things harder. Now I see my friends that are as far along as I should be and it just hurts soooo bad!! I thought IF was bad enough, but losing a child is so much harder. Right now I am in such a deep I wish I could be more encouraging. Just know that I am here and that I love you...and of course...GOD loves you dearly!! If you do read the shack you will see an image of us oneday in heaven seeing our sweet little babies. And it will be so beautiful and awesome!!!!

Hillary said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie. It is just heartbreaking and I so wish you were not experiencing this anniversary :(