Sunday, August 09, 2009

A lot can happen in a year

So, a year ago this very night, I was the happiest woman on the earth, lying in bed next to my husband with his hand expectantly resting on my belly. We were on top of the world. We saw our very first BFP!

For once in a very long time, all was right with the world. Our dreams were coming true and I felt such an inner peace and calm. It was more amazing than I ever could have imagined. I felt whole, I felt complete, I was happy.

One year ago today we were getting ready to go to a friends going away party. We had done a Clo.mid cycle, but I refused to test and was just waiting for AF to show. (This is the one and only time I have ever NOT tested 10 times during the 2ww) I knew I would want to have a few drinks at the party, so I decided I would go ahead and test just in case. I had a digital test (which I hate cause when they are negative, it feels like you have been punched in the stomach) so I took it and within seconds the most amazing work popped up on the screen "pregnant". I couldn't believe it! Could this really be? I yelled for Pace and when he entered the bedroom, I showed him the test. He looked at me and said "Are you kidding?" I was crying, he picked me up in his arms and we cried and we laughed and we cried some more.

After a few minutes I ran to the phone and called my mom. My two sisters were both pregnant at the time, so I called my mom and asked her if she would mind having another pregnant woman at Christmas. It was the phone call I had always dreamed of. I was finally going to give my parents a grandchild. It was finally my turn. My mom screamed, we cried, we laughed and so the night went. We had originally told ourselves that if we got pregnant, we weren't going to tell anyone until we were 12 weeks along. Well...after almost 4 years of trying, we broke that agreement immediately. We called all of our family, told all of our friends, we practically shouted it from the rooftops.

We were on cloud nine. We were on top of the world. We were madly, deeply and completely in love with the little life that was growing inside me.

A lot can happen in a year


♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

I cant seem to hold back the tears as Im reading this. I remember that very night. ugh, I miss you so much and wish I could be there with you right now. You just make my heart melt. :(

The Unproductive One said...

Oh're so right ALOT can happen in a year.

I too remember that absolute elation upon getting my first BFP...who knew it was to be followed by 3 devastating miscarriages?

IMO you NEVER forget your first BFP no matter what the outcome and honey I SO hope that you get to see another one of those sooner rather than later and get to hold the outcome in your gorgeous arms!


Angelwingsbaby said...

Oh hun I am speechless as I have been there and I too am not over it.I don't think you really ever do get over a mc it just gets a little easier over time.I wish I could be there and give you a giant hug!

Dreamer4agift said...

(((hugs))) We will always miss our babies, won't we?

Hoping that you have a lot to be happy about a year from now.

(((hugs again)))

Jess said...

I remember that night...I remember the picture mail of the pregnancy test and I remember how happy you were at the party! I'll never forget this night or the night you called and told me you lost the baby! I love you!

Hillary said...

(((hugs))) What a heartbreaking post. I am so sorry and wish you had your baby in your arms right now. :(