I haven't been around much lately ... I know. Honestly, I have kind of backed away from everything except for Farm.ville which I am horribly addicted to. Farm.ville is my safe zone. There are no pregnant ladies, no pregnant animals, etc. It is my safe zone.
I ventured out last night and started looking at some of my friends' pages on Face.book. Found out two more of my friends are pregnant, I have actually lost count at this point of how many pregnant people I know right now. Either they are pregnant or just recently had their baby.
My heart is heavy with all of the pregnancy announcements. Every time I log onto Blogger to catch up with all of you beautiful people, I see at least one. Which I am so happy and glad for you. Your successes used to bring me hope, but after 5 years...that hope is gone. Not sure it will ever return.
I have had a lot of internal struggles over the last couple of weeks and with the holidays coming up, a lot of in-law drama, so I have retreated. I have tried to stay in my safe zone.
Okay, so this post is turning out a little bleak which is not what I wanted, so I am going to leave you all with some things that I am not bitter about, in fact some things that I am very thankful for:
1. A loving, accepting and generous family
2. A husband that I consider my best friend. No one knows me like he does
3. Friends that bring so much joy and love to my life
4. My job. It may not be the "ideal" job, but I know that it is very fragile right now and could be taken away from me at any moment.
5. My fur babies. They make me feel special when I feel like a loser, they make me feel loved when I feel unlovable and they make me feel cared for when I feel no one cares.
6. My blogger and online support group friends. You all know the deep dark nasty side of me. The bitter, angry and pessimistic side of me that I try so hard to hide in real life. But for some reason, you still read my blogs, you still encourage me and you are still my friends.