My blogger friends, I need to be lifted up today. I am struggling, I am stressed and I am hurting.
This time, only a small amount of that is related to IF. To break it all down in a very short but sweet way, I am losing my job. The company that I work for is going out of business. There is an 85% chance my company will not survive the next 3 months. I have worked for this company for 9 years. These people are my family, they are my friends. This job has meant financial security for us while Pace is building his career and that is all being stripped away from us.
Right when we were ready to jump back in the treatment or adoption wagon. So that is now put on hold which devastates me. I have always been a firm believer that you can't put stuff off because you never know what the future will bring. So now after an over 6 month break of TTC, we are ready to start trying again and now we have no money or financial security to do it.
I am sad, but really just kind of numb. I thought that winning the home study was a sign of what 2010 was going to bring. Now, I am not so sure. I am trying to not be all doom and gloom, I am looking for work, I am sending out my resume in hopes of finding something as good if not better. However, I am a realist and I know what the job market is here.
On top of all of that my mother in law has fallen on some very hard times right now and Pace is the only relation she has near her, so we are preparing ourselves for having to take some financial responsibility over her and her 4 year old daughter. (like them possibly having to move in with us) They have lived with us before and all I can say is it was very difficult.
All of these things have been very tough on our marriage, finances, TTC, family issues I just feel incredibly down right now. I try to be a good person, I try to be a good friend, daughter, wife and sister, so I don't understand why God continues to test me. Over and over and over again I feel like a crash test dummy that continues to be put in the car and slammed into a brick wall.
I just need a break. I want to run home to my mom and dad and have them tell me that everything is going to be ok. I want to stay with them for a while and just feel the comfort and security of being home.