Tuesday, February 16, 2010

2010 YOU SUCK!!!!!!

I have no idea what to title this post. My mind is fuzzy. My heart is broken. I am pissed and confused. So I will write the post and figure out a title later.

A week and a half ago I found out I was pregnant. Yeah - you read that right. Pregnant. Naturally. An "oops" pregnancy after 5 years of infertility. We were excited, and scared, and overjoyed. We had decided after our last miscarriage that we weren't going to tell anyone until we knew for sure that there was a good chance of survival. I have a friend that works for a clinic and she does ultrasounds, so I called her immediately and she had us come in for an ultrasound. We didn't really get a good look at the baby (thank you tilted uterus), but we were able to catch the heartbeat. Since I hadn't had a period in 5 months, we had no idea how far along we were, but she said that since we were able to detect a heartbeat, we were at least 6 weeks along.

Last week went great. I had morning sickness, headaches, sore bb's, weird cravings and food aversions. All of the symptoms of a wonderful, healthy pregnancy. We were getting more and more excited. I scheduled an appt. with my OB/GYN (the one that I despise, but they could get me in very quickly) last Tuesday. They confirmed the pg, did the first set of bloodwork and scheduled an u/s to get our due date for today. I practically had to beg the OB to take my progesterone levels. She said that she really didn't think they mattered because she doesn't believe in progesterone therapy to "salvage" a pregnancy. She said she would take the levels but I would not be able to get the results until today.

I went ahead and purchased progesterone cream and started applying that just for my own peace of mind. Last Saturday morning I woke up with some cramping. We saw my friend who did another u/s and this time we got a wonderful view of the baby (which looked more like an alien) and the strong heartbeat. About 3 hours after the u/s, I was still cramping fairly heavy and I started bleeding a little bit. I freaked out and called our RE. (DON'T ASK ME WHY I DIDN'T DO THIS ON DAY ONE...I GUESS I WAS IN SHOCK AND WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT THIS "MIRACLE" WAS GOING TO MAKE IT ON IT'S OWN) Idiot...

Anyway, the RE told me to start taking 200mg of Prom.etrium daily which I started immediately. It was too late. Both the pregnancy test I took this morning and the empty wasteland of a uterus that was shown on the u/s proved that the baby is gone.

When the dr. told me that my progesterone level last week was 6.2 I almost socked her in the face. NO ONE CALLED ME??? DIDN'T THAT ALERT ANYONE THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON? (Just so you know your progesterone level is supposed to be somewhere between 11 and 40 in your first trimester.)

I am devastated yes...Pace is working out of town this week, so I am home alone with my dogs and I am pissed off. I had put the pregnancy thing behind me, I was moving full steam ahead with adoption and I was happy there - why in the hell did this have to happen NOW?

2010 - you SUCK...and that my friends will be the title of this post.

32 comments:

derek said...

I am so sorry to read this. There are no words I can say to make it hurt any less. Just know that I am thinking and praying for you. I wish I could be there in person to give you a big hug.

Crystal

Elana said...

Oh no!!! I am sooooo sorry!!!!!!! Idiot doctors...they should have called you immediately with a low level like that and started you on some serious progesterone. Well, hopefully you will have another "oops" really soon and this time the prometrium will be the first thing on your list. *hugs*

Trish said...

I'm so sorry. :(

Elana said...

P.S. I would complain really, really loudly to your OB's office, seeing as their idiocy basically lost your baby. (ie Sue the freaking pants off of them)

Anna said...

OMG!!! My heart sank for you as I read this. I can't imagine what a roller coaster that has been. I also have an OB who doesn't "believe" in progesterone problems. WTF? Oh I don't even know what to say.....I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry.

I'm not going to do the cliche' thing and say "well at least you know it CAN happen" because that doesn't help.....just know that I'm thinking about you. (((HUGS)))

LJ said...

That freaking stinks. I am so sorry you have had to go through any of this, but especially a miscarriage.

Heather said...

Ugh. I am so sorry. What a whirlwind of emotions to go through in such a short time.

Amanda said...

I want to find your OB and kick her a$$ myself. I'm so sorry that happened, what a terrible blow. I'm just so sorry. (((Hugs)))

Michelle said...

I'm so very sorry. I hope you find peace and comfort with your dh and family.

Hillary said...

Oh my gosh...sweetie...I am so, so sorry :(

makingmemom.blogspot.com

addingtothepack said...

I am so sorry. And extra sorry that Pace is out of town this week.

heartincharge said...

Oh gosh! After all those years to have a BFP and a heartbeat. My heart breaks for you.

Darya said...

OMG I am sooooooooooooo sorry.
:-( My heart is breaking for you. I cannot believe that stupid doctor, I am SO ANGRY. I wish I had more comforting words for you. Know that I'm thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

My heart brakes for you Nichole, just know that what I said in the text message I ment. If you ever need to talk im here call me. I love you guys so much and I am so sorry that you are going through this horrible thing again.
We will see you soon and I cant wait.

the misfit said...

I am so, so sorry. Are you sure you shouldn't punch your doctor in the face? Not because it will make it better for you, but so she maybe won't do that with the next person? That's more than you need to worry about right now, though. You're in my prayers. 2010 - not cool.

Aisha said...

I am so so sorry for your loss.

LFCA

Angelwingsbaby said...

I am so sorry to hear that happened. I am mad that your doctor did not want to do progesterone, I had to while I was pg and feel as though that is the only way this pregnancy survived. It was believed by my doctors that I had low levels and that is why I had the 2 mc's before.Hugs hun and I am here for you.

Bec said...

Oh my god honey. I am so terribly sorry :( Please take the time to grieve for your lost baby. My heart is broken into tiny little bits for you. Sending you all my love and thoughts right now. Will include you and Pace in my prayers tonight xx

Baby Wanted said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

nh said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Be kind to yourself.

here from LFCA

an insight into me said...

Dagnabit...I replied this morning but stoopid blogger wouldn't recognise my wordpress login!

You can tell your OB has never suffered from IF because if she had, she would have heard you loud and clear about your prog levels and phoned you ASAP.

I'm so sorry that you've been dragged back once you'd already started to move forward. And to be dragged back only to be kicked in the guts is beyond unfair, the Infertility Fairy is a bitch, simple, she needs a foot in the arse.

Big hugs my friend, I only wish I could give it to you in person.

manapan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd love to kick your idiot doctor's @$$. ((Hugs))

from LFCA

Danielle said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear this :( I know that no words are comforting right now but I want to say that you are a strong woman and you will survive. I know what it's like to have a "surprise" pregnancy that ends in disaster and there are no words to describe it. It plains sucks! Keep your chin up and keep chugging along. You'll get there.

Amanda said...

I am so sorry. You're right...2010 sucks. I'm thinking of and praying for you and your husband.

Here from LFCA

Kate said...

I am so very, very sorry.

Allison (Ali) said...

I am sorry to hear that. I can't believe your OB told you they wouldn't give you progesterone, it makes me mad to even hear that.

I agree with you that 2010 sucks so far. I was hoping that it would 2010 would be better than 2009.

we lost our daughter at 20 wks in october and then had a miscarriage at 6 weeks in jan so i feel you pain.

I hope that 2010 gets better for you, much better!

Courtney said...

Oh goodness, I am so deeply sorry, Nichole. My heart breaks for you. (((hugs)))

Piss on your dr., btw. Ugh.

(((more hugs)))

Jeremy and Emily said...

Oh, I'm SOOOOO sorry! How devastating! I wish there were something I could say that would make you feel better, but I know words do do much for these things. But know that I'm praying for you. If you need anything at all, please call me. I want to help you in any way that I can.

cowgirltn said...

So sorry

Emily said...

So sorry. I can't believe your doctor referred to progesterone therapy as "salvaging a pregnancy." She/he sounds like an idiot! Sorry you are having to go through this.

cindyhoo2 said...

Hi, I am here from the LFCA just to say that I am so sorry you had this experience. TO get a wish you had put behind you then to have it snatched away-- is beyond unfair and heartbreaking. SEnding you gentle hugs and hopes for healiing soon.

Katie said...

I am so sorry.