Thursday, January 25, 2007

Damn mind games

So I took my last Provera Tuesday night. of 9:00 pm last night, my body should have started going into the Provera withdrawals which will ultimately bring on AF (Aunt Flo).
I woke up this morning...nothing. No cramps, no irritability (actually I am in a better mood today than I have been in all week), no AF. I know I am jumping the gun a little, but...the longer I wait, the more mind games my body plays on me.
I stood up from my desk earlier and thought I felt something, so I ran to the bathroom...nothing.
As I sit here, the cramps are starting...but are they really starting or is my mind just so dead set on AF coming today that I am making them up?
I actually have the ability to make myself feel these things. I can make myself feel morning sickness (that obviously isn't there) I can make myself feel ovulation (which of course is preposterous since I DON'T ovulate!), I can make myself feel cramps (that are absolutely not there)
You thought I was kidding when I told you I was on the verge of a breakdown...but now, you have proof.
I don't do this intentionally, it just HAPPENS. I try to talk my brain out of it, but it won't listen. I sit with fake cramping wishing I could just go home, take a percocet and fall into a deep deep sleep. Then not wake up until the REAL cramps have come and the REAL AF is here so my STUPID brain will stop tricking me! you can laugh.

1 comment:

serenity said...

No laughing here. I hope she comes soon. SOON. Waiting for AF is quite possibly the cruelest part of all of this.