Thursday, January 25, 2007

Damn mind games

So I took my last Provera Tuesday night. So...as of 9:00 pm last night, my body should have started going into the Provera withdrawals which will ultimately bring on AF (Aunt Flo).
I woke up this morning...nothing. No cramps, no irritability (actually I am in a better mood today than I have been in all week), no AF. OK...so I know I am jumping the gun a little, but...the longer I wait, the more mind games my body plays on me.
I stood up from my desk earlier and thought I felt something, so I ran to the bathroom...nothing.
As I sit here, the cramps are starting...but are they really starting or is my mind just so dead set on AF coming today that I am making them up?
DON'T LAUGH!
I actually have the ability to make myself feel these things. I can make myself feel morning sickness (that obviously isn't there) I can make myself feel ovulation (which of course is preposterous since I DON'T ovulate!), I can make myself feel cramps (that are absolutely not there)
You thought I was kidding when I told you I was on the verge of a breakdown...but now, you have proof.
I don't do this intentionally, it just HAPPENS. I try to talk my brain out of it, but it won't listen.
So...here I sit with fake cramping wishing I could just go home, take a percocet and fall into a deep deep sleep. Then not wake up until the REAL cramps have come and the REAL AF is here so my STUPID brain will stop tricking me!
OK...now you can laugh.

1 comment:

serenity said...

No laughing here. I hope she comes soon. SOON. Waiting for AF is quite possibly the cruelest part of all of this.