Thursday, January 29, 2009

Here We Go Again

The title of this post has many meanings.

I had my post-op appt. today. It went fairly well. He said that I had "medium" endometriosis but that everything else looks great. I asked him about doing clo.mid again and he said he wanted us to wait 3 months and if we haven't conceived by then, he wanted me to try the Clo.mid. I giggled. I told him that we have been trying for 4 years, and that if I magically get pregnant in the next 3 months WITHOUT treatment...I would kiss the ground he walks on. And I will...Mark my word.

So we are trying "naturally" for the next 3 months, although none of this really feels natural. All the looking for symptoms, counting the days, temperature taking, baby aspirin, Met.formin, thyroid meds, prenatal vitamins, preseed, ovulation tests, pregnancy tests...feels VERY unnatural.

Pace and I had dinner with friends last Friday. They have two adorable sons 7 and 5. Both of her boys were "oops" pregnancies and guessed it. They are trying again. It scares me to my core getting that call from her. How will she tell me? Will she be scared to tell me? Will she tell me at all? I am so tired of this IF crap interrupting my relationships!

Then, I get an email from my sister yesterday. She is 1.5 cm dilated and is looking to have my niece or nephew next week. My parents will be flying out to her house next week so that they can help when the baby is born. I am so happy to have another niece or nephew, but it also reminds me that I should be giving birth in 3 months. The 3 months that I have to wait to see if I can conceive on my own should be the last 3 months of my pregnancy. It just isn't fair.

I am trying to keep my head up and look straight ahead, but the next 3 months are going to be very difficult my friends. Very difficult. Many of my friends are looking to add their 2nd or 3rd child right now, my two sisters and going to be giving birth in the next 2 months and my due date...oh...that dreaded day. we go again. The hurry up and wait game. Someone please wake me up when the next 3 months are over or I am kno.cked up.


Nikki said...

Try and make the next 3 months as natural as you can. Everything can get so mechanical and clinical, that we forget the emotions behind everything!

Good luck!

Dana said...

Oh Nichole..I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to just sit and wait and watch everyone around you get exaclty what you yearn for. I will pray for you to have peace and God's grace during this time. Love and HUGS!!

Erin said...

Hi Nic,

I'm sorry you are in this holding pattern and, of course, stuck watching everyone else lap us. Regardless of what they tell you, no one else understands unless they've travelled this road... and there are no fellow travelers in my real world. It's a lonely one, for sure. And if you manage to get lucky during these three months, I'll kiss the ground your MD walks on, too. Wishing you all the very best!!!


babydust81 said...

Hi babe...

Hope you are doing well. I guess you and me are in the same boat. Rest well and enjoy the next 3 months. I know it is easier said than done coz there are just days that you wish that you are the one experiencing what other people are experiencing. There are also days you wish that time will just pass you by.

I am waiting for my 3 months to be up too. 1 month down, 2 more months to go.

I am praying that both of us will be lucky this time around. You have been a wonderful Blog Friend and I only want the best for you.

Bec said...

Oh honey, it must be so hard with your sister about to pop. Right now Im glad I dont have sisters because I honestly dont know how I would handle that. And even though you dont want it to affect your relationship, it does because of the toll it takes on you.
Sending you lots of love right now and for the next three months xxx