That's right folks - still no AF. I took the dreaded Pro.vera - turned into a total monster, and still haven't seen AF. I know that it can take up to a week, but I am just sick of waiting and all other times I have taken Pro.vera, AF has happily showed up within a day or two. If she doesn't show by this time next week, I am supposed to call my Dr. and then have to go on Est.rogen supplements and then Pro.vera again to try to bring her on. Damn it! Why is this happening?
I should have my baby in my arms right now and should be getting ready to celebrate my first M Day with my beautiful alive baby.
Instead, it is just a VERY painful reminder that my baby isn't here. My baby is somewhere in heaven, but most definitely not here. Not even close to being in my arms. Instead of having a child that can send my mom something on M Day, I am forced to acknowledge that once again, a M Day is coming and going with no living children.
I am so tired of waiting. I was doing ok for a while, I think I had actually convinced myself for a little bit that we should just try living childless for a while. Well Baby Fever is back and has hit me with a vengence. Along with that has come the anger, resentment, sadness, bitterness and despair.
This will by far be the most difficult M Day yet.