Wednesday, May 06, 2009

CD Freakin 72

That's right folks - still no AF. I took the dreaded Pro.vera - turned into a total monster, and still haven't seen AF. I know that it can take up to a week, but I am just sick of waiting and all other times I have taken Pro.vera, AF has happily showed up within a day or two. If she doesn't show by this time next week, I am supposed to call my Dr. and then have to go on Est.rogen supplements and then Pro.vera again to try to bring her on. Damn it! Why is this happening?

I should have my baby in my arms right now and should be getting ready to celebrate my first M Day with my beautiful alive baby.

Instead, it is just a VERY painful reminder that my baby isn't here. My baby is somewhere in heaven, but most definitely not here. Not even close to being in my arms. Instead of having a child that can send my mom something on M Day, I am forced to acknowledge that once again, a M Day is coming and going with no living children.

I am so tired of waiting. I was doing ok for a while, I think I had actually convinced myself for a little bit that we should just try living childless for a while. Well Baby Fever is back and has hit me with a vengence. Along with that has come the anger, resentment, sadness, bitterness and despair.

This will by far be the most difficult M Day yet.

7 comments:

The Pifer's said...

Aww sweetie, my heart breaks for you!!! We WILL have our Mothers Days!!! I hate to hear your cycle is so long, how nuts is that?! I'm praying for you sweetie!

the misfit said...

I know what you mean...a lot of people are experiencing a resurgence in the baby-related sadness. I haven't had my bout yet but I'm sure it's due. Maybe it's the spring?

babydust81 said...

Hey dear...

I truly understand how it feels to wait. Our cycle is almost the same. I hope that AF is somewhere in the darks and show up soon enough. N I am praying that both you and me will be able to celebrate our M day with a live baby next year...

Ape said...

I found you from Tiffany's blog www.thepiferfamilyblogspot.com

I know that today is national prayer day but I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family! I am praying you get this baby you want so badly!!

♥ Apryle
www.thebuechelfamily.blogspot.com

Hope said...

I understand about when you say sometimes you are doing ok and sometimes not. It is hard to stay positive when you are on "CD Freakin 72!" Especially with Mother's Day coming up. Hang in there and hopefully this low period will pass for you quickly!

Hillary said...

(((hugs))) I wish you did have your baby in your arms.

makingmemom.blogspot.com

Amber said...

I so know what you mean too well, prayers for you this Mothers day.