It happened spontaneously, it was unexpected, much shorter and much less dramatic than I expected. :-)
We talked last night over pizza at Cost.co. We have determined that we are going to proceed with adoption. Going back to treatment may be an option for us someday, but right now we want to be parents, we don't necessarily want/need to be pregnant in order for that to happen.
Besides, we received this wonderful gift of a free home study, so we decided to use it!
I have been praying a lot and Sunday night I asked God to please direct me where He wants me to go. I told Him that I was torn and confused and I wasn't sure what He wanted us to do. I told Him that I was open to whatever He has in store for us, but that He would need to speak a little louder because I can be stubborn and don't listen well sometimes. He answered in the most clear way possible.
Pace has absolutely no desire to return to treatments at this point. He didn't even want to discuss it last night. At first I was a little hurt, I felt like he was closing that door and giving up on my body, but then I really listened and realized that he wants to be a dad as much as I want to be a mom. He knows that the most productive way for us to do that is to adopt. God closed Pace's heart to treatments for right now because He knew that I wouldn't push treatments if I knew Pace was not on board. (I think God knows my weak spot..LOL)
I am faithful that God will provide for this adoption financially as it is going to be difficult, but I feel His hand is leading us and He wouldn't be doing that if He wasn't going to go before us to make it happen.
So I called the agency that we won the home study from and we have our first home visit on January 22nd, 2010 at 6:00 pm. During this visit we will get all of our paperwork, information packets etc.
I need to crack down and do some real training for my dog before the case worker comes. I will be absolutely humiliated if he jumps on her! (He is such a lovable dog, he just gets REALLY excited when new people come through the door) Eeeek!
I am very excited to be moving in the right direction to become a mommy again!