Monday, January 18, 2010

That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more...

I had a very good weekend - it went VERY fast, but it was good. Friday night we watched the movie "The Hu.rt Loc.ker" it is a movie about the Iraq war and it is AWESOME!!! I highly recommend it. I do not like war movies AT ALL, but this one was very good.

Saturday I literally cleaned (both for the baby shower and our home study) all day. I was exhausted, but felt very accomplished.

Yesterday was the baby shower. It went really well and I did really well. I stepped outside during the gift opening (I saw her open 2 or 3 and then stepped outside) The shower was a HUGE hit. Everyone really enjoyed themselves and my friend's mom even said that this was the nicest baby shower she had ever been to! That made me feel really good.

We outed ourselves to most of our friends and family over the weekend. Most of them know that we are adopting now and for the most part, we have received very warm congratulations.

The message in church yesterday was just amazing. Throughout the entire service Pace and I kept looking at each other saying "omg, that is SO us!" The pastor was talking about how everyone has something in their life they don't like. He used the story of David and Goliath as an example. David didn't like that the giant was defying his God. In our lives, it could be a relationship, finances, health, career, etc., we all have something in our lives that we would like to change. For Pace and I it is not having children. The pastor shared with us that there are steps you have to take to make that change happen.

1. Admit that facing the "giant" is scary. IF is scary, treatments are scary, doctors are scary, adoption is scary, childlessness is is all scary.

2. Acknowledge that doing nothing will never change your life. If we sit back and do nothing, it won't change whether or not we have children. We have to act. Our previous actions have been treatment, or future actions will be adoption.

3. Embrace your inner Pop.eye. In the Pop.eye cartoon, it is the same theme every time. It is Pop.eye getting beaten up by Bl.uto (something in Pop.eye's life that he doesn't like) and finally he says "That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more." Then he eats the spinach, morphs into a body builder and beats the tar out of Bl.uto. That is the moment when Pace and I looked at each other. That is EXACTLY where we are with IF treatments. We just got to the point where we decided that is all we could stand and we couldn't stand anymore.

4. Take a personal inventory. This is the stage we are at right now. Sorting through the emotions and figuring out what we can /cannot accept.

5. Play to your strengths. My strengths include artsy fartsy stuff, so I have taken the challenge of writing our very own baby book for our child. There aren't a lot of "comprehensive" baby books out there for adoption. There are a few out there, but many of them leave out some of the important milestones (in my opinion) and they are expensive. So I am writing my own. This project will help me deal with the anxiety and the wait time. It will allow me a creative outlet which is very important for my mental health.

6. Clarify your plan of attack. So far our plan of attack consists of completing the home study and then figure out if we are going through an agency (and if so, which one) or an adoption attorney. There are many other decisions that need to be made, but that is where we are right now.

7. Ask for God's help. Obviously we have done this, continue to do this and will continue to do this for the rest of our lives.

8. Just do it. David approached Goliath quickly, took out the stone, loaded his sling and let it fly taking Goliath to the ground. He then took Goliath's sword and defeated him. You have to make the decision to go for it and then act upon it.

Thank you Lord for your constant reminders that we are following your plan. Being wrapped in the comfort of your care has made me happier than I ever could have imagined.


Melissa said...

I really enjoyed reading this blog post. It does sound like your pastor was speaking directly to you.
I have to ask, why do you put a period in between certain words?

Nichole said...

Melissa - Thank you for your comment! I put periods in between words that may be highly searched that really aren't related to my blog. That way people aren't brought to my blog when they are trying to look up medications, or in this case Pop.eye! LOL

Anna said...

After a very emotional day that included talking with our doctor about where we are planning to draw the line (very soon), I needed to read your post. Thank you! I am trying to prepare myself for closing the door on IF and opening the door on adoption with my whole heart in it. :)