Thursday, July 12, 2007

Life update

This week, I have found multiple topics of conversation and things that I would like to share with all of you out here in blogger world with me, so here we go!

Exercising

Pace bought me a gym membership for my birthday (don't try to cyber-smack him...that is what I ASKED for for my birthday) and last night was the first time I ventured in. I have always been afraid of the gym. Not because it would become a clear reality how out of shape I was, not because I would have to work out next to Barbie (ok...that had a little to do with it) but mostly because of my social anxiety. My fear of being in public with a large group of strangers.

So last night I conquered that fear and I walked into the gym with my head held high and my stomach in my throat. It really was not as bad as I thought! It was actually fun, and I actually look forward to going tomorrow. I am sore in places I never paid much attention to, but it feels great!

Boating

That's right folks...boating...and swimming...in wild water. If you followed my past link "social anxiety" you already know that I am terrified of the water. I learned to swim only about 6 years ago, and still don't care to be in water so deep that my feet don't touch the ground. However, another fear conquered this week! Pace and I went out on a boat with my co-worker and her husband this week and I JUMPED IN THE WATER....AND SWAM!!! I know...I can hardly believe it too, but it was really nice! Being out on the water, on the jet boat, it really was a lot of fun and I really look forward to doing it again.

Work

All I can say is CHANGE SUCKS! My company (of which I have helped build over the last 6.5 years) was sold last week to a new guy. And when I say new guy...I mean NEW. He knows nothing about the service we provide (flood and fire damage restoration) he doesn't know how to work with Quick.books, he doesn't even know how to check his email, but I am working for HIM! Grrrrr! It is so frustrating. Meanwhile, my previous (pretty cool) bosses are out spending their millions while I am pining away with the old man who doesn't know a damn thing about what I do all day.

Infertility

You didn't think I would leave THAT out now did you??? Pace and I talked a little bit about our future and having children. He would like to try IVF before we try adoption and he wants to wait until spring of next year. We are buying a house in Dec. or Jan. and he wants to get moved in before we start up again.

Now...this really struck me and made me realize how much infertility really changes a person. I am a fairly logical person. I think decisions through...almost to a fault. I am rarely spontaneous (it takes a couple fruity drinks to get me to be spontaneous), I think I am intelligent and a well rounded person. Pace is also well rounded and intelligent, but he is also very spontaneous, he likes to "fly by the seat of his pants" he doesn't always think decisions through, but that is ok. We compliment each other well and we make it work beautifully.

But during this discussion I realized that when it comes to infertility, our roles are reversed. I am being completely illogical, not making much sense, not making wise decisions and being a total emotional wreck. Pace on the other hand is cool as a cucumber. When we talk about infertility decisions, he is very matter of fact and has really given these decisions a lot of thought. He has thought through the end of the year, the buying of a house, the whole nine yards, and all I can think about are babies.

I surprise myself sometimes...sometimes I don't know who I am anymore....

working out...

boating...

swimming...

new hair color...

tattoos...

Very unlike me.

Yep.

I have lost the old me.

4 comments:

Inconceivable said...

i really want a tattoo!! I am very glad you are out conquering life! That is the most important part- i tend to let myself get consumed and forget about the Life and fun times, I am supposed to be having. You Go GIRL!!

Trish said...

perhaps you found the real you.. ((HUG))

Dreamer4agift said...

Sometimes I feel like I've lost the real me too...I used to be level-headed, easy-going, laid back, patient, always smiling, always an optimist...somewhere in the scheme of things I became a pessimist, doubting God, walking the fine line of losing control of my emotions (and sometimes crossing that line)...but ya know what? Somewhere in all of this, you and I (and all the other IF-ers) become stronger, both for ourselves and each other. Don't think of it as losing yourself...you're blooming into someone that will learn from your past and cherish the future. You are strong, you are you. I wish you the best of luck with everything you're doing right now. And buying a house, while at times is stressful, can also be lots of fun!:)

Melissa said...

How's it going, Nichole. I've been thinking about you a lot lately and hope you're doing okay.