Monday, July 21, 2008

Update on me...

Today is CD16 for me. I still haven't received a + ovulation yet, but that is ok cause last month I didn't "O" until CD22, so I am just patiently waiting. Well I am kind of being patient.

My ovaries are feeling a little swollen/ tender today. I am really tired and I think I am coming down with a cold. I am sure stress has nothing to do with it. Haha

Last week was a very difficult week for me. In my last blog I wrote that my sister called me to tell me she was pregnant. I didn't write a whole lot about it at the time because I needed time to process it all first. I am not sure if any of my family members read my blog, and I want to be very careful to not offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. So if any of you reading this are family members, please know that I am so happy for her, but at the same time sad for myself. Trust me, I am really excited to have another niece or nephew and I am estatic for my sister, but at the same time...DAMN!

My sister had originally decided that she didn't want anymore kids. She has one boy and one girl and that was going to be the end for them. So, imagine my suprise when she called to tell me she was pg. I had absolutely no clue they were trying and to be honest...I would have appreciated the heads up. At least that way I could have prepared for the phone call. My sister's have no problem getting pg, so if she would have told me they were trying, at least I would have had a month or two to prepare. My other sister is trying right now as well. It is only a matter of time till I get that phone call too.
So now, all my family thinks that it would be so cool if all 3 of us were pg at the same time.

Well. I don't.

What if I don't get pg? Then Christmas time will be there and I will get to spend it with my two pregnant sisters. The same two sisters that already have 2 children (one sister was pg at my wedding, the other got pg a couple of months later). I get to see everyone's faces of pity and all of the akward conversation and questioning that I REALLY don't want to endure.

What if I do get pg? Then I have to share the glory (for lack of better words) with my two sisters. Don't get me wrong, if I do end up getting pg in the next couple of months...I WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL...but at the same time, I kind of wanted my own time to be pg. Not time to share with my two sisters. I am being selfish...I know. But this is what IF has done to me. I can't help feeling this way. It would be like 3 sisters planning their wedding at the same time and getting married at the same time. The first pg for a woman should be a special time - her own time to enjoy and be doted upon. Especially after 3 and a half years of trying for that first pregnancy.

I don't know, I guess I am not handling it very well. I love my sisters and am close to them, but IF is definately effecting my relationship with them. I got to hear the all time favorite (once you start the adoption process, you will get pregnant) comment this week. My sister meant well, but that is one of the most insensitive comments one could make. It is almost as bad as "If you just relaxed, it would happen" or "My cousins sister in law had trouble and as soon as they quit trying, BOOM, she got pregnant". I could go on an on about this situation, but it really doesn't get my anywhere, it is what it is and I just have to deal with it.


Hope2morrow said...

Hey girl! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

I understand your feelings about your sisters 100%. But they will never understand because they have never walked in your shoes. If it helps you any, I am sorry for your emotional, mental, and physical struggles. I hope blogging is as wonderful an outlet for you as it is for me. It is wonderful knowing others can relate!

I'll pray for you, honey!

Bec said...

I know what you mean about the possibility of falling pregnant at the same time and having to 'share' your pregnancy. You have worked long and hard to achieve this and when you do, it would be nice to have it to yourself.

Be good to yourself hon, it's an awkward situation and it sounds like you are doing better than most would right now.