Monday, October 27, 2008

So Alone

I just feel so alone right now.

I still have no idea what the heck is going on with my cycle this month. Thankfully by this time next week I will either have a BFP or AF so I can stop worrying and analyzing my body every 10 seconds. I am on prom.etrium right now, so that gives me all of the "symptoms" with no real "result" So...it sucks.

My company laid off 2 people today...3 more to come tomorrow. I am just devastated. I work for a VERY small company...there are 15 people on payroll including myself and 2 owners, so cutting 5 employees is a HUGE deal. These people are my family. I have worked for this company for almost 8 years and these people are more than just co-workers. They went to my wedding, my college graduation, they sent flowers when I had my miscarriage, they know my family, they know some of my friends. These people are family to me and the thought of not seeing them when I go into the office in the morning makes me so sad. Some of them have families...how are they going to find another job in this economy? The owners could have reduced costs elsewhere, but there first cut was employees. They didn't reduce advertising or vehicle costs...they didn't cut hours or put a freeze on spending and raises...no...the very first cut they made in our budget was 5 employees. I am so sad and feel like I am losing such a huge support system. I am thankful that I still have a job...but it won't be the same. Ever since the company went under new ownership last year, it hasn't been the same. I have worked so hard for the last 7 years to help build this company to watch the new owners tear it down in a year. It sucks.

Then Pace and I got into an argument today. Things have been rough at his work as well for the last couple of months and there has been some family stuff going on as well, so we have both been under a lot of pressure. Today, it just all fell apart and I sit here now in an empty house knowing that my husband, my best friend is mad at me, and doesn't even want to be here with me. Not that I can blame him...I have been pretty difficult lately. I know that some of it is stress and most of it is hormones, but that isn't an excuse...

I am tired of feeling like this...just one more week and then no more hormones...no more pills. I just want to feel like me again.

4 comments:

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

im sorry youre feeling down. like you said-at least youll know whats going on with your body soon. i hate that feeling, too! im hoping your confusion is due to a bfp waiting to arrive.

Erin said...

Ugh. That's a lot to swallow. This is such a terrifying time economically. I'll be thinking of your special friends and praying that they land on both feet.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. Although things feel so unstable, I'm sure your husband understands where you're at mentally. This process is so exhausting for both of you. It's hard to keep the romance/friendship alive when everything is falling down around you. Sooner or later, things will sort themselves out. It just sucks in the meantime. I'm sorry. Try to take a deep breath.

I'll be checking in on you...
E

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm sorry. You are not alone - we are hear with you. And so is God. I'm praying for you. Please let us know if we can do anything. It's a lot to swallow right now.
**HUGS**

Bec said...

Oh hon :( The work situation soiounds really crap :( I am praying for you xxx