Wednesday, July 01, 2009

It is what it is...

My husband says that all the time and honestly sometimes it really irritates the crap out of me. It seems like a scapegoat, a cop-out, but this morning as I was getting ready for work, I was struck with an entirely different perspective.

Today I am 28 years old. All 3 of my sisters had their first babies when they were 27, and if it weren't for my miscarriage, I would have followed suit. But today changed that. Now I am 28, I have crossed the threshold that I had placed on myself, the time table I had set for having our first child (actually I was hoping to be working on #2 for my 27th). When I had this realization this morning, the first thing that came to me was "It is what it is." There isn't a darn thing I can do about it now.

I can be sad, I can be upset and declare to everyone how stinking unfair this is, but it wouldn't change anything.
I can lock myself in my room tonight and sulk that I don't have a baby to hold or a little voice to say "Happy Birthday Mommy" but it wouldn't change anything.
I can cry and scream, be angry and bitter but it wouldn't change anything.

It is what it is.

And I'm ok with that for today. Today is my birthday and infertility is not going to take another wonderful birthday away from me.

I am so blessed to have a wonderfully supportive family, and amazing husband who loves me when I can't love myself. I have two wonderful fur babies that drive me crazy sometimes but most of the time I am just crazy in love with them. I have great friends that support us, enjoy spending time with us and would do anything for us. I have a beautiful home that Pace and I have decorated, designed and worked on together. I have a job. Pace has a job. I have a wonderful life. Yes, the Infertility portion of it totally sucks, but it is what it is. I can't do anything more to change it at this point in time, so for once I am just going to allow it to be.

I am going to go have oodles and oodles of sushi tonight and enjoy every last bite!

Thank you all for your love and your support. You all have cheered me on when I was high and when I was low. I know the low will come again, but for now I am going to fight it off and enjoy the things that I have been blessed with over the years that have been taken for granted.

God Bless!


Teri said...

Happy Birthday, Nichole! I'm glad that you can embrace your life as "it is" today! May your next years be filled with happiness!

Jess said...

Happy Birthday again love! What a great attitude to have on your birthday! We all love you so much! Enjoy your sushi sweetie and drink lots of beer!

The Unproductive One said...

Happy Birthday!!

I hope you have a truly fab day and get spoilt absolutely and utterly rotten!!

Enjoy the sushi, have a drink for me(!) and revel in your life being 'what it is' even if it's just for tonight!

Much love my friend

Anna said...

Happy Birthday! Enjoy your sushi and stay positive!

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can not wait till you get your gift. you are going to LOVE it :) I miss you like crazy and wish we could be there to celebrate your big day with you, but maybe next year bc we should be living back on the mainland.
Im happy that you are putting everything behind you for today. Its about you and thats all you should worry abt!!! Heres to another wonderful year with the most amazing friends EVER!!!!

babydust81 said...

Happy Birthday my love...

I am glad u are positive about today. Have fun and enjoy ur day today...

Andra said...

Hi Nichole!
Happy Birthday! ;) I got your posting on my blog and would really LOVE to talk! Maybe coffee sometime?
Love to you,