I am attending my first bible study tonight since the pregnancy and miscarriage. I am terrified. I am already an emotional person, but lately I have been REALLY emotional and I just don't know if I am prepared for tonight.
I know I will cry the whole time
I know I will show my anger
I know I will hurt my husband...he has seen my cry so much lately, I know he hates it cause it makes him feel helpless
I just want to be a fly on the wall, small enough so that no one can see me or hear me and I can do my thing, I can cry, kick, scream and wail and not have to worry about anyone seeing or hearing me. I don't want their pity. I don't want to hear their "I'm sorry's" I just don't want to be the center of attention for THAT reason.
I am freaking out a little bit. Thank God Pace will be with me. It's funny, in the past I was always the motivating factor in going to bible study...now he is. Funny how things change.