Friday, September 19, 2008

Bible Study

I am attending my first bible study tonight since the pregnancy and miscarriage. I am terrified. I am already an emotional person, but lately I have been REALLY emotional and I just don't know if I am prepared for tonight.

I know I will cry the whole time
I know I will show my anger
I know I will hurt my husband...he has seen my cry so much lately, I know he hates it cause it makes him feel helpless

I just want to be a fly on the wall, small enough so that no one can see me or hear me and I can do my thing, I can cry, kick, scream and wail and not have to worry about anyone seeing or hearing me. I don't want their pity. I don't want to hear their "I'm sorry's" I just don't want to be the center of attention for THAT reason.

I am freaking out a little bit. Thank God Pace will be with me. It's funny, in the past I was always the motivating factor in going to bible he is. Funny how things change.


Nikki said...

I am yet to make peace with my faith and resume my conversations with God. I am glad you are able to take that step forward. I wish you peace during your Bible Study, and I hope you're able to come out stronger.

I Believe in Miracles said...

Nicole ~ how'd the Bible study go??

C said...

I hope the bible study went better than expected. I had a lot of anxiety issues after the m/c and dreaded even going out in public. It just takes time, and it'll get easier. The "i'm sorry's" are sort of uncomfortable at first, but for me, I just sort of brushed 'em off like when someone tells me to "just relax." They mean well, so I just keep going. ((hugs))