The talk with Pace - went very well. Of course it did, he was amazingly supportive and I think it really got to him a little bit. I guess no one likes the idea of someone they love having to have surgery. We are both tired. We have decided to start requesting information packets from adoption agencies and at least start the paperwork. We are going to take our time on this though because 1. we don't have the money for adoption and 2. it feels like I am giving up on my body - and I am not ready to do that.
The talk with my Dr. - I have mixed feelings on whether I can stay with this Dr. or not. I LOVE her! She has given me her email address so I can email her questions any time, she is very soothing and has great bedside manner. However, everyone else in her office is terrible! They have no personalities and the ones with personalities are quite undesirable.
When I had my miscarriage, there was one nurse in particular that I wanted to smack up side her face. She was so cruel and cold. She made the entire process WAY more traumatizing than it already was. I was lucky enough to have that same nurse yesterday. She didn't say "hi" or "how are you doing today" or anything. She just called my name told me to get on the scale and took me to the room. Very UNCOOL! After taking my blood pressure (which I am sure was high because I was pissed) she asked "What method of birth control are you on?" Um....EXCUSE ME???? CAN'T YOU TAKE ONE FREAKIN MINUTE TO READ OVER MY CHART BEFORE YOU ALLOW DIARRHEA TO RUN OUT OF YOU MOUTH WITH A STUPID QUESTION LIKE THAT? I responded "I am not on any. I haven't been on birth control for 4 years. If you would read my chart...you would see that." I got no response from her, she just walked out of the room and I started to cry. It was hard enough trying to keep my eyes in my book while in the waiting room so I didn't have to see all of the cute pregnant bellies that were surrounding me. I tried not to pay attention to the couple that was sitting there and the man couldn't keep his hands off of her big, swollen belly. Like I said....I tried. Not good enough I guess.
This room was the same room I learned about my miscarriage, this was the same room that I cried in because that same nurse was a rotten human being to me. I asked myself..."Why do you keep coming here?" The only answer I could really come up with was that it was far to difficult to move to yet another Dr., go over my entire crappy medical history again and possibly end up not liking the new Dr. either. Also, they can always get me in really quick, which is a HUGE thing for me. My last GYN was always booked out 3-4 months. Totally unacceptable.
So aside from all of that drama the actual talk with my Dr. seemed to go really well. She listened to all of my symptoms and we actually had a long chat about it. That is one of the things I love about her - she is never in a rush to get out the door. She will sit there with me as long as I need. She agrees that my symptoms do sound like endo, so I have scheduled a consult with the surgeon on the 15th of December. Then, we will just go from there.
The talk with God - I am really struggling to communicate with Him. I don't know what to say. I have cried out to Him, I have surrendered to Him, I have done all of that, but somehow I still feel like I am walking this walk alone. I need to do more talking to Him, or maybe less talking and more listening. That is it...I am going to try being a better listener. Maybe that is why He isn't talking to me right now...I haven't been listening. Who would continue to talk to someone that never listens?