I have had writers block the last little while. I have had much to write about, I thought about writing, but just couldn't. I am having good days and bad days with the adoption stuff. After attending our RE.SOLVE support group meeting last Wednesday, I wasn't sure I wanted to pursue adoption right now. I listened to the women in the group talking about IVF, IUI, egg donor cycles and it made me want to try more.
Then I woke up and realized that I just can't right now. We are ready to be parents now. We already know that adoption will take a year or two to be finalized, and we need to start moving on it now. It doesn't mean I have to give up on fertility treatments forever. We will wait to see what the RE says on Thursday, but we need to move forward. I feel like we have been treading water for 4.5 years and now I am ready to swim.
We are scheduled to attend an adoption support group meeting tonight, we have meetings with two different agencies next week and Pace is looking into what/if any adoption assistance his company offers. (mine offers none, they don't even have paid maternity leave). I am just blown away with how expensive adoption is. I don't know how we are going to come up with the money, but we will do it. Somehow. If I have to sponsor bake sales and yard sales, I will do it!
So, I have my ups and downs. I am occupying my mind elsewhere. I have read one and a half books in the last week, Pace and I are very busy getting ready for the luau we are hosting next month, adoption research, I am in the process of making my friend a baby blanket (she just found out she is having a girl) and overall just enjoying the break from ovulation tests, clo.mid and ultrasounds.
I am so grateful for my friends, my online friends, and my in real life friends. They have been so supportive and loving. I am going to move forward and not look back, I am going to lace up my hiking boots and climb the mountain. I am not going to let this break me, but make me stronger.
God bless you all and thank you for allowing me to be me!