I felt so much better after blogging the other day. I just needed to get some of that stuff off my chest and it reminded me so well why I started Blogging in the first place.
Sometimes you just can't talk to people about this infertility stuff. When I try talking to my girlfriends about infertility, they usually feel uncomfortable or they start asking 100 questions and the entire conversation ends up me educating them on infertility which isn't what I need sometimes. I am very grateful they want to learn and become familiar, but just once I would like to curl up in a friends arms and just cry and scream and yell about how unfair this is and how much this hurts. I just want her to hold my head, hand me a tissue and say "I know sweetie."
Don't get me wrong, I have WONDERFUL friends, I just don't know how to reach out to them when it comes to infertility. When the Dr. found my cyst a couple of months ago, I tried. It failed miserably. It was so uncomfortable talking to my friend, I wanted her to put her arm around me and comfort me like I did for her when her Grandpa passed away. I wanted her to let me cry on her shoulder, but sadly I guess our friendship just isn't that way. Now she is pregnant, so she is busy and I feel like it is SO awkward for her to be around me now, so she pretty much avoids me. (They got pregnant their first month of "not preventing)
I just wish I knew how to open up to others. I used to pour my heart out to Pace all the time and cry in his arms, but I realize now that I was making it so much harder for him. It broke his heart to see me so upset and so angry, I totally relied on him alone when we lost the baby and he is traumatized still to this day. He is terrified of trying again because he doesn't want to see me hurting like that ever again.
So - I am interested - do you ladies have friends that you can call and cry to? What kind of in-person (not over the Internet) support system do you have? If you have a girlfriend that you an cry to, how did you get to that point, or has your friendship always allowed for that?