Monday, April 05, 2010

I have a lot to share. I have had a very busy weekend and actually a pretty emotionally draining weekend too.

I took Friday off so I could share some alone time with Pace. We have been so busy lately, I feel like we haven't really had any quality time together. So Friday morning we shooed the momma bird off of the nest (at the suggestion of the lady at the aviary). We saw one egg and one baby. The baby actually was pretty big I was very surprised. It's eyes were open, so it had obviously hatched a week ago or more, but since the parent birds were sitting on the nest to keep the baby warm and to feed, we never saw it.

We had built a "faux" nest (using the same little twigs that the original nest was made by) in a small Easter basket and put the actual nest with the baby in it on top. The baby was not making any noises which concerned me. I was told that the parent birds would find the baby by the chirping...except the bird wasn't chirping.

Pace and I watched the parent birds for about 4 hours and sat by hoping and praying they would find the nest. We left to run some errands and when we got back we were very disappointed to see that they still had not found the nest. By sundown I knew it was going to be too cold for the bird through the night, so Pace and I put a heating pad on top of the Easter basket to hopefully bring some heat to the baby through the night. It was at THIS point the baby started chirping and I started bawling...I knew the baby wasn't going to survive the night without it's parents, and it was dark out so I knew the parents wouldn't be back till in the morning. I was right. The baby died all alone in the cold all because we had to move the stupid nest.

I have been thinking a lot about the "signs" that have been thrown my way since these birds came into our lives. Right now it seems like a lot of symbolism between them and our miscarriages. The first one didn't live long enough to really "hatch" and the second one died because I didn't do enough for it quickly enough. I was a total and complete emotional wreck.

Saturday morning Pace had an appointment to go skydiving with one of his best friends. It was actually a lot of fun and he had a GREAT time! This was his first jump, however I am sure there will be plenty more to come! I may even join him next time!

Sad to say...yesterday was just another day for me. We don't go to church on Easter. Too many adorable children and just way too difficult for us. Last year we decided to do an annual hike and balloon release. Well, we didn't do it this year. I didn't feel up to it and Pace was severly dehydrated so we relaxed around the house yesterday, had dinner with my MIL and SIL and that was it and called it a day.

Yes I am a Christian and yes I am grateful for the reasoning for celebrating Easter. However recently I am finding it very difficult to feel close to Him, to hear Him and to trust in Him. My faith is most definitely being tested in everyway possible.

I believe I ovulated yesterday. I didn't do my OPK's on Friday or Saturday because I didn't have them with me and I wasn't at home at the time I needed to do them. However...yesterday morning I had MAJOR ovulation pain on my left side and when I did the OPK yesterday the second line was darker than it had been all month eventhough it still wasn't positive. (So I am thinking I missed the surge which correlates with the ovulation pain I felt yesterday.) so I am considering this 1DPO and started the Prog.esterone supplements last night.


Teri said...

Nichole - you don't need to explain to anyone why you can't go to church on Easter. Holidays definitely make the hurt come out :( (((HUGS)))

Dana said...

Just wanted you to know I am always thinking about you and praying for you!!!! LOVE U!!!

addingtothepack said...

Oh wow, Nichole, I am so sorry for the outcome with the nest. What a horrible experience after you tried to protect and care for them for so long! Thinking of you!

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

Sounds like you enjoyed your day off on Friday to spend with your love. I dont blame you at all for not wanting to go to church on Easter Morning. Im glad to hear Pace made it through his Skydiving trip in one piece, I tell you that man of yours is a dare devil. See you soon. :)

keeksaz said...

Thinking of you. Sorry things turned out that way. It really sucks. I agree - don't feel bad about not going to church - there have been times when I haven't been able to face Target - I get it - it makes sense. ***hugs***