Rambling thoughts...by Nichole

I have been pondering this post for a couple of days. I have struggled because I feel like I have a lot to write about, but when I click on the "New Post" button....I have nothing. It is National Infertility Awareness Week and I feel the pressure of having a "profound" and "moving" post, but I am not feeling very profound right now. So for now you are just stuck with the various updates.

First off, the diet. It is going really well. I have found some great recipes that I will continue to make even when we are out of this first phase of the diet. I got a little discouraged last week because Pace is losing weight so much faster than I am and you can actually SEE it on him! I know that guys lose faster, but it is still kind of tough to swallow when I am the one that has all the weight to lose, but it is good motivation to keep trying and to keep trying harder! So far I have lost 11 pounds. I am going to kick up the exercise this week to hopefully speed up the weight loss this week. The unfortunate thing is I have NO IDEA where the weight is coming from! My clothes all fit the same, I am not losing any inches...just very confusing. However weight loss is weight loss so if I really start exercising hopefully I will see more dramatic changes.

I started taking OPK's again yesterday and was pleasantly surprised that for 2 days in a row the lines have been darker than they have been in the last 2 cycles. That is very exciting for me. I started using FMU which may have made the difference I'm not sure. I have heard conflicting answers on when the best time is to take OPK's. I had thought that it was between noon and 2 in the afternoon, but when I got my CBE fertility monitor, it said that it was imperative to use FMU...hmmmm anyone care to weigh in on this?

We still haven't heard anything on the home study front. I am not pressing the issue, just hope we hear something soon.

I spoke to my sister yesterday. It is always great to talk to my sisters. Even though they are fertile myrtles and have dropped the occasional insensitive comment, I love them. If you will recall, two of my sisters had babies last year, when I was pregnant the first time, we were all three pregnant together. 1 sister was due in March, I was due in April and my other sister was due in May...well we all know how that turned out. When I was talking to my sister yesterday she was telling me how her and my other sister are done having kids and in fact my other sister had a procedure to prevent pregnancy and she was considering the same. I guess that part was all fine and dandy, it was her next comment that struck me to my core. She said "So now the pressure is really on Nichole, you are the only hope for future grandchildren." Wow. Thanks. I should have at least one baby by now and I should be 4 months pregnant right now...but lets not bring that up. Let's not bring up the over 5 years of TTC. I changed the subject and told her I had to get back to work.

I know they mean well, I know they don't mean to hurt my feelings, but dang...

We are going on a road trip next weekend! Woo hoo! We are driving to Salt Lake City next weekend to visit Pace's dad, step-mom, Grandma's, brother and nieces. It is going to be a very short trip and a lot of time in the car, but it should be a lot of fun. We have not been in SLC for over 2 years so it will be really nice to see everyone. I am a little nervous to see some of his family because they are not the most sensitive and supportive when it comes to IF, I am hoping the conversation just won't come up and we can all pretend there isn't a HUGE white elephant in the room.

I am pretty open about our IF. I post about it (not in specific details) on my FB and have posted a couple of things this week in honor of NIAW. I have received some amazing responses and have found other people (and distant cousins) that have struggled or who are struggling and I never knew! For me being open about it takes the "taboo" off of the subject. Why in the hell is everyone so scared of talking about it? People talk about other illnesses and diseases openly...why is infertility so different?

That is all I have for this morning...hopefully this "profound" post that is milling around in my head will come to fruition soon...I can feel it brewing...I promise!

I want to close by saying how incredibly blessed and honored I am to call you all my friends. I have no idea where I would be without the support of my blogger buddies. Just knowing that there are people out there rooting for me, that love me in the good times and the bad (and there have been some really bad) is refreshing and humbling. I appreciate every one of your comments and the fact that you take the time out of your day to entertain my life and my rambling thoughts!

XOXO

Nichole