Yes...I am still alive! I haven't written for a while because...well I needed some time to lick my wounds from my last cycle. (Analogy borrowed from a dear friend of mine...Cindy Jo) I really felt like I prepared myself for the worst last month. I was so wrong! I was (and am) completely devastated. I am terrified to start the next cycle. I don't want to face anymore dissapointment and I know that I don't have the power to control my level of excitement for being a mom. I want it so desperately!
Mr. Clinger and I are trying to muster up the strength and the money to go through another cycle. God help us if IUI doesn't work because there is no way we could afford IVF. It is hard enough to scrimp and save for the IUI's. If we got to that point, we would have to move to an infertility coverage mandated State so we could at least have a chance at insurance coverage.
So we are officially on our 25 month of trying. I have made it 3 months without a cigarette (barely) this last week has been the hardest for me!
I don't really know what to write here. My mind is spinning as I sit here at the computer. I want people to know we are still here...still alive. But medically, I really don't have any updates. Within the next few weeks AF should be here in all her raging glory and we will go for it again. Attempt #2 hope for the best, expect the worst and hope at the end of the day you can muster the strength to go on.