Today is 10 days past my IUI. Two of my sisters and my mom called me today to see how I was handling it. It is nice to know that they are just as excited/anxious as I am. I really don't know what to tell them other than I am chomping at the bit, nervous and excited. I am trying to get myself to a place where I am at peace either way. Whether it is positive or negative, just get myself to the point where I am ok with it.
I have been thinking lately what I would do if this cycle doesn't work. Would we take a couple of months off? Will we jump right into another cycle? Would we change my meds? Would we do IUI again? There are so many decisions to make and the unfortunate part is that you don't have a whole lot of time to decide. I don't know how I will feel if this cycle doesn't work. It is one of those things that you can't know until you are there. Which is very representative of the entire infertility process. That is why it has been so hard for a few of our friends to understand where we are at...they aren't here - they are not having to make these decisions, they are not having to emotionally deal with infertility.
You may remember from my 2dpIUI post,(I don't know how to post links - sorry) I spoke of my ex-friend "Dora" and our issue over infertility. Well...I finally have peace with where our friendship (or lack thereof) is. I finally took the opportunity to tell her how I feel about her and her husband's immaturity, their disrespect and their down-right rudeness. I think one of the most cowardly things a person can do is hide their true feelings under harsh words, name calling and cussing. Her husband is a master at that and proved that to us last night. Hearing the way he was speaking to Pace and I just solidified the fact that these people are not friends. They never have been. They are selfish, self-righteous, immature children who don't know the meaning of real friendship, respect, and adult conversation.
When adults have conflict, typically either it is discussed right away without (or at least with minimal) screaming, and cussing and DEFINITELY without name-calling. Or after a "cooling down" period, the issue is discussed following the previous manners already listed. I am not even sure I know the definition of some of the names "Dora's" husband called Pace and I last night. I am sure he was drunk - that is what they do. Get drunk, scream, yell, call names and start fights. "Dora's" husband finds some sort of power and satisfaction in threatening to beat people up. He has done this as long as we have known him, we have just never been on the receiving end. I guess we should have known that someday it would be us. To him I say this "Grow up."
I told "Dora" that I have nothing to say to her...EVER... I am done playing their games and I have no desire to invite their drama infested lives back into my life. I am at a different place in life than they are and I love where I am right now. I don't want to go back to the constant frustration, fights, drinking and drama. That stuff is for the birds. The most ironic thing to me is that they are the people who brought Pace and I to the Christian church.
I think God placed them in our lives to bring us to the church, they fulfilled that and now we have no need for them. We have surpassed where they are spiritually and now the only thing left for me to do is say goodbye. I will pray for them - that they may see their hurtful ways and stop before they hurt anyone else, and I will love them from a distance for playing a huge role in the woman I am today. They will never be able to take that back.
I am finally at peace with the friends they were and never will be again. It feels so good to have that situation and them behind me. I am sure one day we will run into each other again. After all, we do have some mutual friends and we only live about a mile away from each other. But when we do meet, I will be able to hold my head high and know that Pace and I took the High Road.