Monday, April 30, 2007

My friend...the Hermit Crab

I haven't posted in a couple of days because, well...to be honest I really don't know what to say. I have been through a range of emotions, feelings, thoughts and I just dont' know where to begin.

I had my CD3 ultrasound on Saturday and all looks good. They have me on 100IU of Follistim every day for right now. (That's lovely - I get to shoot up every day instead of every other day) Should make detoxing interesting. :-) I am relieved my Dr. is finally listening to me and being much more agressive this cycle. Not only do they have me shooting up every day, they don't have me coming in for an u/s until CD12 instead of CD10. So far, my follies have NEVER been of any substantial size on CD10 so this will save me $250 for an un-needed ultrasound.

I was totally blessed by a woman named Gloria this week. She is on my TTC (Trying to Conceive) board. She is donating her left over Follistim to me! I feel so humbled that a complete stranger would reach out and help Pace and I try to make our dream come true. I told Pace last night that if this cycle works and if it is a girl- we are naming her Ivy in honor of Gloria who made this cycle possible. Hopefully someday Pace and I will be in the position to "Pay it forward" for someone else in need!

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Have you ever been at a point of contstant change? You know ... that point in your life where you know you are changing, but you don't really know how or what you are changing into? You just know you are changing. That is exactly how I feel. I feel like I am stuck somewhere between the person I used to be and this person I am going to someday be. It is kind of an unsettling place to be in life. In "limbo". You begin to question yourself, why you are doing what you are doing and why you didn't do it before. It is a very vulnerable point in life as well as you are kind of "raw". You are shedding your old self and becoming a new person.

It kind of reminds me of the hermit crabs Pace and I used to have. They would pick a shell and then one day out of the blue they would be in a new shell. They usually did this in the night where they felt the safest because the body of the hermit crab is very delicate and very sensitive. The smallest disruption of their body while they are inbetween shells can kill them. That is where I feel I am. I am in between shells, however, I am worse off than my friend the hermit crab because they pick out their new shell (while still in their old shell) and walk right up close to it prior to making the switch. I, on the other hand, ditched my old shell, and am walking around, with a fully exposed, vulnerable body searching for the shell that fits the best.

I guess we all go through these points in our lives. I have been looking at where I have come from and where I want to be in life. I guess if I was a little older some would call this a midlife crisis. (Although I have not sought out a Cabana Boy or gone under the knife for some new chi-chi's)

I'm not sure how long it will take me to find the perfect shell to fit me this season, but I hope that whatever shell I pick, it is a comfortable one.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is a wonderful story, Nichole. Thank you for sharing.

KELLY said...

Hi Nichole, hope you're doing okay. Email me anytime. jbkd99@hotmail.com You're in my prayers.