Well friends, I am back. I am still a little uncertain of our future, but I am back. Pace and I had a nice long talk over the weekend about where we are and where we will go from here. I have really been thinking about just quiting it all to be honest with you. I am tired of the Dr. appointments, I am tired of peeing on things, I am tired of getting crushed every month, I am tired of feeling depressed and most of all I am tired of missing out on life.
Our talk was so amazing. He is really starting to "get it". We are on the same page, which is WONDERFUL! I just can't believe how much closer we are to each other now than we were even a year ago. I think our angel baby has a lot to do with that!
So Pace and I both shared our current feelings and thoughts on our infertility path, and we came to an agreement. So now we have a plan. A plan that is always subject to change of course, but a plan non-the-less. I have a Dr. appt. this month (although Dr. P pretty much told me that I would be pg, so I wouldn't need the appt. HA!). At this appt. I am going to tell the Dr. which route we are going to take. I am currently waiting on AF to show her ugly face, and as soon as she does, I am starting Clo.mid. If AF shows before my Dr. appt, I will tell my Dr. at that time that I am on Clo.mid and he can like it or lump it.
We will do 3 months of Clo.mid if my mental stability can take it. After that, we are going to be done for a while. I will take a leave of absence and try to save money for IUI's again. I don't know how long my leave will be, but we will just take as long as we need to I guess.
Ever since our first RE.SO.LVE meeting last month, I have really been thinking about our options. I have really been considering just living childless. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, it sounds crazy to me too, but I am just done with all the heartache. I don't think I could be childless forever, but maybe 5 or 10 years, and then we could adopt. In the meantime we could save up money for adoption, and spend a lot of money on ourselves. Let's face it, infertility and children are expensive! Maybe I will just supplement my grief of not having a child into some major retail therapy - that would be my way of "sticking it to the man" LOL
So here i sit on CD37 waiting for AF to start so I can move forward and get the show on the road!