Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Back with a plan

Well friends, I am back. I am still a little uncertain of our future, but I am back. Pace and I had a nice long talk over the weekend about where we are and where we will go from here. I have really been thinking about just quiting it all to be honest with you. I am tired of the Dr. appointments, I am tired of peeing on things, I am tired of getting crushed every month, I am tired of feeling depressed and most of all I am tired of missing out on life.

Our talk was so amazing. He is really starting to "get it". We are on the same page, which is WONDERFUL! I just can't believe how much closer we are to each other now than we were even a year ago. I think our angel baby has a lot to do with that!

So Pace and I both shared our current feelings and thoughts on our infertility path, and we came to an agreement. So now we have a plan. A plan that is always subject to change of course, but a plan non-the-less. I have a Dr. appt. this month (although Dr. P pretty much told me that I would be pg, so I wouldn't need the appt. HA!). At this appt. I am going to tell the Dr. which route we are going to take. I am currently waiting on AF to show her ugly face, and as soon as she does, I am starting Clo.mid. If AF shows before my Dr. appt, I will tell my Dr. at that time that I am on Clo.mid and he can like it or lump it.

We will do 3 months of Clo.mid if my mental stability can take it. After that, we are going to be done for a while. I will take a leave of absence and try to save money for IUI's again. I don't know how long my leave will be, but we will just take as long as we need to I guess.

Ever since our first RE.SO.LVE meeting last month, I have really been thinking about our options. I have really been considering just living childless. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, it sounds crazy to me too, but I am just done with all the heartache. I don't think I could be childless forever, but maybe 5 or 10 years, and then we could adopt. In the meantime we could save up money for adoption, and spend a lot of money on ourselves. Let's face it, infertility and children are expensive! Maybe I will just supplement my grief of not having a child into some major retail therapy - that would be my way of "sticking it to the man" LOL

So here i sit on CD37 waiting for AF to start so I can move forward and get the show on the road!


Angelwingsbaby said...

Just know that whatever you choose I am here for you.((HUGS))

Amanda said...

I'm glad you and your hubby are on the same page. Hopefully you surgery did the trick and a little clomid will do the final bit of magic and you won't have to worry about the plan anymore.

Hillary said...

How great that you and your husband can be on the same page as you move forward -- I love when I see my DH "get it." I hope the next month is it for you and you won't have to worry about next steps!

Jess said...

Yeah for a plan!!! I love having some sort of idea of what is going to happen! Remember this with did rob the craddle and boys are not as mature as girls, so he is catching on because he is maturing! I married an old man, so that is why Greg has been on the same page from the start...he was almost 29 when we met, lol!!! :)

I think Clomid is the way to go! But I am bias, and I am putting all my hope in those beautiful white tablets! :)

Did clomid give you the worst case of cotton mouth?

Jess said...

I hope I didn't offend you with my robbing the craddle comment...I meant that in the nicest way about Pace! He is after all my brothers age although Pace is much more mature than Tommy!

So I have had:
*no depression-I'm on a baby high, but I was very depressed before Clomid

*my heart will race a mile a minute

*dear God, I sweat...I feel like I need 2 showers

*headaches which I never get

*cotton mouth

Fun Times! I peed on my first ovulation strip...I have never done that before, lol!

Jess said...

I can't wait to see your kid...put in the pictures and post it...I am sure it will look like Emily but much prettier considering you are umm prettier than Sylvia (sorry)! :)

I am sorry I was such a bitch a while back...I didn't realize what a hormonal bitch I was...I hate knowing if this doesn't work, I will be my old bitchy self again!

Darya said...

It's great that your DH gets it! You are on this journey together and it helps to know you are not alone.

I like your plan on retail therapy. I decided that if things don't work out for me, once I pay off the IF debt, I'm going on an amazing vacation and I'm spending at least a few thousand dollars on shoes alone! ;-)